


This Will Be (the one I've waited for)

by mosylu



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry is the Flash, Cisco is Vibe, F/M, alternative universe, everyone's keeping secrets, rom-com rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-09-24 19:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9781616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosylu/pseuds/mosylu
Summary: My dad used to say something to me all the time when I was growing up. He would get this distant look in his eyes and he would tell me, “Iris, baby, life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan.”l just wish I’d realized at the time he was talking aboutmylife.Formerly "Life Doesn't Always Turn Out the Way You Plan." The Westallen While You Were Sleeping retelling that you never knew you needed. Written for Westallenfun's Westallen at the Movies challenge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “While You Were Sleeping” is one of my all-time favorite movies ever. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas unless I’ve watched it at least once. And because I love it so much, I won’t be able to resist slipping verbatim quotes in here and there. So, watch out for those. Also, I know this is a Valentine’s challenge, but this movie is so wrapped up with Christmas for me that I had to set it then.
> 
> I’ll be honest - after this chapter, at the moment the rest of this is pretty much an outline interspersed with scene scraps. I’m hoping to post at least twice a week, but the schedule may be, ummmm, flexible. I’ll still try to get it all done in the month deadline.
> 
> That said, enjoy!

_My dad used to say something to me all the time when I was growing up. He would get this distant look in his eyes and he would tell me, “Iris, baby, life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan.”_

_l just wish I’d realized at the time he was talking about_ my _life._

_But my dad wasn’t just about cryptic life advice. He taught me to box, he read everything I ever wrote, he even did my hair. And he would tell me the best stories. Sometimes from his life on the force, because he was a cop, but sometimes sweeter stories. More tender ones. Like the ones about my mom. Those were my favorite._

_He’d tell me all about how they met, how they fell in love, how they ran away to get married when they were both barely eighteen. He’d never talk about how she died, which was okay by me, because I remembered a little bit of my mom with cancer, and it’s not something I wanted to go over again. I preferred the happier memories._

_More than once, even though I knew the answer, l asked my dad what the most wonderful, amazing thing about my mom was._

_And he said to me, “Baby, your mom gave me all my dreams.”_

_When I got a little older, I realized that what he meant was that when they were first married, struggling through every day, she supported him, studied with him, and generally made sure he got through the police academy even though it made her life harder and scarier. He became a detective, which was something he’d dreamed of all his life._

_But when I was little, I thought of her waving her hand and just making everything right for him._

_Well, the first time l saw Eddie, he didn’t exactly give me all my dreams. lt was a coffee order and his name, plus seventy-six cents for the tip jar._ _But l look forward to it. I never know when he’ll come in, because he’s a cop, too, and his shifts are all different. But he always smiles and he’s kind and handsome and -_

_And he’s just perfect. The man of my dreams.  
_

_We’ve never actually spoken - I mean, a real conversation, you know, not one centered around caffeinated beverages.  
_

_But l know someday we will. l know it. And I know that when we do, it’s going to be perfect. And all my dreams will come true._

* * *

Iris studied the cursor blinking on the screen and sighed. She couldn’t post this.

Her readers came to her blog for the weird, the unexplained, the things that no newspapers would report on. Men faster than lightning, men who could tear open the fabric of reality.

Not a barista’s sad personal life.

She hid it in her drafts folder and shut her computer, sliding it into her bag. She had to get to work.

As she eased out the door of her apartment building, wincing at the bitter cold, she spotted a butt in a pair of baggy jeans sticking out from the open hood of a car. Even though it was four-thirty in the morning, she wasn’t surprised. Her downstairs neighbor kept strange hours.

“Hey Cisco,” she said to the butt. “Have you got my car working yet?” she added hopefully. If he had, that meant she had another ten minutes that she could go back into her warm(ish) apartment and start working on something that actually was a post and not a maudlin piece of drivel.

“Hey,” he said, lifting his head and shaking his head as if to toss his long hair back, although it was bundled back in a little nubbin of a ponytail at the base of his skull. He had a black eye. Cisco also often turned up with strange injuries. Her current working theory was that he was illegally street-fighting to make rent, but maybe that was her wild imagination. Probably he’d run into a lamppost or something. “Still trying, here. So today I’m gonna need a cranberry orange scone.” He peered up at her hopefully.

She rolled her eyes. “Everybody wants the cranberry orange. There’s never any left.”

“Come on, it’s Christmas Eve!”

Iris’s heart sank. Like she needed the reminder.

“Plus, I’m the guy fixing your car. Purely out of the goodness of my heart, might I add.”

“You’ve been fixing my car for three weeks, and the goodness of your heart sure seems to want a lot of day-old baked goods.”

He thumped the fender. “That’s because this car’s a piece of crap.”

She had to agree with that. But she couldn’t afford better. “I’ll try,” she said. “But if some yoga lady bites my head off for not giving her the damn scone, it’s on your head.”

He saluted her with his wrench.

She glanced down the street. No bus yet. “So how’s the job hunt?”

He made a face.

“You’ll get something,” she said. “You’re smart. And you’re a great engineer.”

“An engineer who hasn’t done anything with his degree except fix your car for the past six months.”

“You could put that on your resume, right? Automotive - something or other.” She was usually better at finding just the right word, but come on. It was four-thirty in the morning.

“Ha. Yeah.” He snorted. “Bus is coming, you better run.”

She looked up in time to see the bus wheeze around a corner three blocks down. How did he _do_ that? she asked herself, sprinting for the bus stop across the street.

* * *

At work, after the first rush had died away, her boss cornered her. “So. Hey. How do the words double overtime pay hit you?”

“I’m not working tomorrow,” Iris said immediately. “It’s Christmas.”

“Come on,” Gina said. “Please? Jay just called and said he has a sore throat - ”

“And you believed him?”

“Rachel’s got a big family thing out of state, and I promised my kids I’d be there on Christmas morning.”

“Ask someone else, Gina.”

“Everybody else has already turned me down. It’s just half a shift, honest! You’re opening at nine and Lana will be here at twelve and you can go home at one. Or earlier if it’s dead.” She leaned forward, her eyes compassionate. “Look. Iris. I know you worked Thanksgiving, that’s why I asked you last. And I know it’s the opposite of fair. You’ve worked every holiday. But you know, you’re the only one - ” She hesitated, biting her lip.

Iris finished her sentence, with a sinking feeling in her stomach. “Without any family.”

Gina looked at her pitifully.

* * *

Iris tugged her Santa hat straight and growled under her breath, “Work Christmas for me, Iris. Double overtime pay, Iris. It’ll be dead, Iris. Yeah, right!”

She’d been running since she got here this morning. It had been three hours and she hadn’t had a chance to sit down yet. This was the first moment she’d had to breathe, even, and the state of the counter meant she had to be cleaning it.

To make matters worse, it felt like all her customers had been happy family groups, people clearly on their way to gatherings, wearing silly sweaters, loaded down with Christmas presents. Looking forward to a day of warm togetherness.

What did she have to look forward to? Just sweeping up the coffee grounds she’d spilled. Oh, and her replacement to get here in half an hour, if she actually remembered.

“Hey,” said a gravelly voice that sent a thrill down her spine. “Merry Christmas.”

Her head shot up. She gaped at Eddie.

He smiled back, his bright smile, his twinkling eyes, _oh my god_ -

“Isn’t it the worst, working holidays?”

She clutched her broom like an idiot. “Um. Yeah.”

He waited, as if she was expected to be coherent right now, with him smiling at her and the little piece of holly pinned to his lapel, and his eyes so blue she wanted to fall into them, and the mistletoe dangling from the loft above his head.

“Well,” he said. “First break I’ve gotten all morning. Um - Where’s your bathroom?”

“That way,” she said, flailing a hand. Luckily, it was in the actual direction of the bathroom.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. “Don’t get away.”

“Okay,” she breathed, watching him go.

She stood, kicking herself. The man of her dreams actually started a conversation and this was how she reacted? She was a mess.

His regular, what was his regular? He didn’t really have one. He ordered all sorts of different things. What about hot chocolate, with a shot of peppermint? That was festive. Would it be creepy, having it ready for him? Or a nice Christmas surprise? Or maybe he wanted something else - oh god, she was _such_ a mess.

The door jingled and one of her other regulars walked in, a doctor from the hospital down the street. From the looks of her, she was on her break too. Iris shook her head hard and tried to smile. “Hi there. What can I get you?”

“Chai latte, please.”

“Sure thing. Caitlin, right?” She always ordered the same thing. Iris could make her drink on automatic. Good thing, too, because she was still involved in kicking herself and trying to come up with suave, witty, sexy working-on-Christmas banter that would make Eddie instantly fall in love with her.

The door jingled again, and two men came in as she came back from bringing Caitlin her drink. “Hi, fellas,” she said, even for some reason though her skin crawled and she desperately wanted the counter to be thicker, higher. She cranked her customer-service smile up to eleven. “What can I get for you?”

“Mmmmm, let me thiiiink - how about a mocha latte and all your money?”

Iris stared at the gun in her face and thought, _Who robs a coffee shop?_ and _Gina, if I die, I’m so going to haunt your ass._

“Now!” he yelled, and she jumped.

“Okay, okay,” she mumbled, popping open the cash register. Jitters policy was clear - give them the money, let them get away, call the police after. No amount of money is worth your life.

All the same, her eyes flickered toward Caitlin, who -

Who had a gun pushed in her face too, the second robber barking at her to keep her hands where he could see them. She was staring up at him, her eyes narrowed, her jaw set, and a cold chill ran down Iris’s spine.

_Just - god. Don’t let any guns go off today._

“Faster!”

She jumped and dropped a stack of fives, scrambling for them when he waved the gun.

The back door, the one that led to the bathrooms, opened with a squeak. Iris knew who it was before she even looked around.

Eddie walking through that door, his eyes widening, his gun coming up, his mouth forming the words _stop, police_ -

The second robber’s gun went off with a boom like a cannon blast. Eddie’s shoulder jerked back and he went down hard, his gun flying one way, his badge another. His head bounced off the doorjamb and he lay still.

“Fuck!” the second robber shrieked, his gun waving wildly. “A cop! Man, you shot a cop!”

“Shit,” the first robber said, and his gun swung away from Iris to bear on Eddie’s unconscious body. “He saw us - ”

Without thinking, Iris grabbed the nearest thing at hand and hurled it at his head. It wasn’t until the thing shattered, sending glass and stickiness spraying, that she realized it was a bottle of hazelnut syrup. The robber yowled and dropped his gun, and the second one whipped around, aiming his gun in her direction -

She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the next bullet to drill into her forehead.

A sudden blast of cold air buffeted her. She thought, _huh, that’s not what I expected from dying_ \- and realized she was still breathing, her heart still thundering away in her throat. She risked opening one eye.

The Flash stood at the counter. Behind him, both robbers were tied to chairs - festively, with some of the sparkling bunting from the square outside.

She gaped at him.

“You okay, miss?” he asked her.

“I - Yes? But - ” She pointed at Eddie. “He’s not.”

“He was wearing a vest, but he hit his head pretty hard,” Caitlin reported. She was crouched over Eddie, checking his vitals. “You need to get him down to Central City General as soon as possible.”

“Eddie,” the Flash breathed, which struck Iris as strange - how did he know Eddie’s name, and why did he say it like that?

But then he and Eddie were gone, leaving Caitlin and Iris alone in the coffee shop, watching syrup drip slowly off the table. Caitlin reached up and picked some glass out of her hair, making a face as several strands stuck to her hand.

Iris felt numb and floaty, which was probably why she put her hand over her face and mumbled, “Oh, Eddie. I was going to marry you.”

She started to pick up the phone to call Gina - _Hi, guess what, your Christmas is ruined after al_ l - and Caitlin grabbed her arm. The handset clattered to the counter.

“Let’s go,” Caitlin said. “We’re going to the hospital.”

“But - I - ” Iris tottered as Caitlin dragged her out from behind the counter, astonishingly fast on the crazy high heels she was wearing.

“Call your boss later. I’m sure she’ll understand that you’ve just been robbed, for god’s sake, and that Eddie was hurt. That’s his name, right? Eddie?”

“I - I need to lock up - ” Iris managed to grab her key out of her pocket and lock the front door behind them before Caitlin was hauling them down the street to Central City General. The ER was a complete zoo, and when Caitlin hustled her through, saying something to the nurses, Iris didn’t catch it over the din.

Caitlin guided her to the nearest free chair and pushed on her shoulders until Iris sat down with a thump. “Okay, you sit here, and as soon as we can, we’ll get you in to see him, all right? _As soon as we can._ ”

Iris said wisely, “Eurgbhl?”

Caitlin’s hand on her shoulder gentled. “He’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Iris nodded, more because the other woman seemed to need it than because she had any idea what was going on.

She nodded back, then charged off, still in her coat, on an Eddie-saving mission. Iris watched her go, feeling her head spin.

Well, Merry Christmas to her.


	2. Chapter 2

While she waited, Iris called Gina and broke the news. She got reassurances (reluctant, insincere, but she'd take it) that she could take the rest of her shift off. Because _robbed at gunpoint._

A set of cops had just come in and started questioning her when Caitlin walked in between them. "Excuse me, gentlemen, I need to speak to Iris."

One of the cops looked irritated. "Can it wait?"

She turned a cold look on him. "No."

They blanched and nodded, and Caitlin pulled Iris out to a hallway off the waiting room. "He'll be fine," Caitlin said right away. "The bullet hit his vest. Now, the force of it cracked a rib, and there's going to be some deep bruising, but that's all the damage that caused."

"O - okay?"

"The blow to the head is a concern, but not a huge one. We're monitoring him closely for signs of further trauma, but his vitals are good and his brain waves are strong, and it's my considered medical opinion that he's going to be just fine. Okay?" She put her hand on Iris's shoulder. "Iris, he's going to be fine."

"Okay," she said again, faintly, wondering why she was getting all this intimate medical knowledge of a man she barely knew.

"Now, I know how much you must want to see him, so we're going right now, okay?"

"Okay . . . "

She was shepherded through the sterile halls, into a room filled with beeping machines and chemical smells and Eddie, in a hospital bed.

Caitlin smiled at her. "He's still out, but let him hear your voice. It'll be good for both of you."

There was something really strange about that, but Iris couldn't put her finger on what. Before she could ask Caitlin anything more, a nurse pulled her aside with some kind of very important question.

Iris turned back to the bed. She bit her lip, staring down at Eddie's handsome face, the cannula in his nose, the IV drip pasted on the back of his hand. He didn't look so tall, lying down like this. Of course, people didn't. "Uh. Hey there."

Out in the hall, a babble of voices broke out. It sounded like a pack of people had broken past the security.

Iris looked around. A older white couple were charging down the hall, followed closely by a black man their age and a gawky black boy around twenty. For only four people, they were making enough noise for forty.

She found herself pushed off to one side, as they poured in, all talking at once. The black man gave her a quick, thoughtful look in passing, but everyone else was involved in asking questions that they didn't wait for answers on.

The white man pulled Caitlin aside. "Dr Henry Thawne. I'm Eddie's dad. What's his condition?"

Caitlin, clearly more used to distraught families, gave them the same rundown she'd given Iris, with a lot more interruptions and outburst from Eddie's family.

"How did this happen?" Henry asked her.

"He was trying to stop a robbery - "

"Bad-ass!" the boy whooped.

Eddie's mom said, "Wally, honey, please, not right now!" She covered her face and mumbled, "This is exactly what I was afraid of - "

"But Iris saved his life," Caitlin cut in.

"Iris?"

As one, they all turned to stare at her. She felt her shoulders try to dig their way through the window.

"What does she mean, you saved his life?"

"He - he got shot, but it hit his vest, and then he hit his head on the door jamb and, um - "

"Where exactly do you factor in?" the black man asked.

When Iris didn't answer, Caitlin supplied, "She threw something at the robbers to keep them from shooting him when he was unconscious."

"What did you throw?" Wally cut in, his eyes bright.

"A bottle of hazelnut syrup."

He went off in gales of laughter. "That's the freaking best! _Yes!_ "

"Wally," the black man, muttered, rolling his eyes, but looking at Iris as if he were a little impressed.

Henry's mouth hung open. "You. Threw a bottle of syrup? At an armed robber."

"Hazelnut," Iris said.

"You could have been killed," Eddie's mom breathed.

Iris shrugged a little. Even now, it felt like something someone else had done.

"Why would you do that?"

Caitlin gave her a very strange look. "Why wouldn't a woman save her fiance's life, if she had the chance?"

_Fiance?_

"Wait," Iris said feebly. "What?"

"Fiance?" his mom said at the same time. "Eddie's getting married? Since when?"

"I - uh - "

A babble of voices rose.

"Why wouldn't he tell us?"

"Does Barry know?"

"Dad, why are you asking me?"

"Joe, Barry would have said something - "

"Would he?"

"Calm down, Henry! Barry would have told us. You know that."

"Wait," Iris said, unheard over the din.

"Oh, honey!" His mom turned toward her. "Oh, sweetheart, this must be awful for you right now."

"I actually need to -"

The older woman took her hands. "I'm so sorry it's like this, but under the circumstances - " Her eyes filled with tears, and she suddenly wrapped her arms around Iris and hugged her close. "Oh, I'm _so happy_ to meet you!"

All Iris could do was hug her back, her eyes wide.

* * *

When she finally extricated herself, Iris got a fistful of Caitlin's white coat and dragged her out the door and away to a corner. "Why did you say that? That I was his fiancee?"

"I overheard you," Caitlin said. She twisted the ring on her left hand. "You said you were going to marry him."

Iris's mouth fell open. "I'm not engaged to him, I've barely spoken to him."

"What?" Caitlin slapped her hands over her mouth. "You're not?"

"No!"

"Oh my god. This is bad. This is so bad."

"I know! His family thinks we're getting married and I barely just learned his last name!" Thawne, she thought. Eddie Thawne. It was nice.

Caitlin looked sick to her stomach. "Never mind that, I've just violated HIPAA six ways from Sunday, oh, _fuck -_ They would be well within their rights to sue me. I could lose my license! Why would you say that?" she demanded.

"I never did!"

"But at Jitters - you said you were going to marry him!"

It took a moment, and then she realized that Caitlin was talking about her stupid, babbling moment right after the Flash had disappeared with Eddie. "Oh my god! I was talking to myself."

Caitlin's eyes narrowed. "Well, next time you're talking to yourself, tell yourself you're single and end the conversation."

Iris' mind had already leapfrogged away. "His mom," she said despairingly. "She held me so tight, and she was crying - " And it had felt so good to be enfolded like that, to be treated as if she belonged, as if she were part of a family. Even if it was fake.

"Everything okay?"

They both jumped. Joe West was standing a few feet away.

(That was his last name; West. Wally's too. There had been a little round of "West? You have the same last name? Oh how funny! Is it possibly you're related?" and Iris had said, "I don't really know my dad's family," and it had gotten dropped.)

Eventually, with proper introductions, she'd worked out the relationships in the room - Henry and Nora were Eddie's parents, Joe and his son Wally were close family friends.

And then there was the elusive Barry. Who was - what, exactly?

"Oh, fine," Caitlin said smoothly. "We're fine. Do you need me?"

"Henry's got some questions for you."

"Of course," Caitlin said again. She glanced at Iris, shook her head, and walked off toward Eddie's hospital room.

Joe turned to Iris. "How are you doing, honey? Hanging in there?"

For a moment, tears rose up in her throat and choked her. The sound of his voice, the gentle endearment - it was like her father was back, standing in front of her. Not thin and sick, like he had been at the end, but healthy and strong.

She wondered if they really were related.

Joe patted her shoulder. "Tough day, I know. Tough day for all of us. But Eddie's a strong kid. Always has been. He'll pull through."

She nodded, still unable to speak.

"Don't think I'm being callous, but this could be the best thing for everybody right now."

"Wh - what do you mean?"

"You know how long it's been since Eddie talked to his parents. It's been rough, and on top of that, ever since Barry's accident in the summer, he's started drifting away, keeping secrets - " He shook his head. "I feel like I've been watching the Thawne family fall apart. But an engagement - a new member of the family - a wedding - those are the kinds of things that pull people back together."

Iris's stomach tied itself into knots. _Fuck,_ she thought. _If I tell them I lied, I will legit be imploding an entire family._

"Anyway. I know we just met, but we're here for you." He rolled his eyes a little. "All the loud trampling pack of us."

"Thank you," she managed. "That means a lot. It really does."

Joe's eyes flicked over her shoulder. "Boys," he said, and Iris turned to find the two cops that Caitlin had dragged her away from earlier.

"Can we _please_ take your statement now?" one of them said peevishly, and she thought she heard Joe laugh to himself.

"Sure," she said. "Yeah. Great. Fine." She gave Joe a little smile, and he smiled back at her.

As he went back down the hall to Eddie's room, he answered his phone. "Bare? Where the hell have you been? We're at the hospital."

She went with the cops, promising herself that she was going home after she talked to them. She desperately needed a nap. Or a drink. Or a really good cry.

* * *

She'd had all three by that night, and she sat on her couch, staring blankly at the twinkle of lights on her tree. Well, it was certainly the most unique Christmas she'd ever had, she thought.

She wrote a brief post about the Flash's rescue this morning. If Eddie hadn't been involved, she would have been worried about her tone being too breathlessly fangirl. As it was, she just worried about doxxing herself by making it too obvious she'd been part of the situation. So far she didn't have a huge readership, but her dad's lessons about internet safety had sunk in at an early age.

After that, she tried to get some more work done for her blog, trawling social media for mentions of metahumans and weirdness, listening to the police scanner for awhile. But aside from her coffee-shop drama,  the good guys and the villains seemed to have taken Christmas off.

She spent some time wondering if there were any Jewish metahumans. Muslim, maybe. Atheist. Then she realized she'd been staring at the Christmas lights again without thinking anything.

_Eddie,_ she thought, and then, _The Thawnes. Oh my god_. The Thawnes, who had a son unconscious in the hospital and thought they'd met their future daughter-in-law today.

What was she going to do?

She tried to pinpoint the moment where it had all spun out of her control. She got annoyed at Caitlin all over again - how could she possibly have taken that stupid burbling mumble seriously?

But making sure she got to the hospital, making Eddie her priority on a day that had already been crazy, making sure Iris knew he was going to be okay -

If Eddie really had been her fiancé, Iris probably would have been nominating her for sainthood. The patron saint of steamrollers, maybe. But sainthood all the same.

She collapsed into her couch cushions and moaned.

* * *

The obnoxious thing about working the opening shift all the time was that Iris generally woke up by four in the morning whether she wanted to or not. She'd negotiated today off with Gina as part of working yesterday, and she pressed her face into the pillow and ordered all the exhaustion in her body to put her back to sleep.

Then she remembered the day before, and gave serious consideration to self-suffocation with her pillow.

_Think_ , she ordered herself. _Think! You need to figure out what to do._

Instead, she remembered Nora's arms around her.

Henry's smile.

Joe's hand on her shoulder.

Wally's clear delight in her syrup-related shenanigans.

Obviously she should confess. But it would get Caitlin in trouble, and then all those things would go away. She wouldn't blame the Thawnes, or the Wests. What kind of creepy girl pretended she was somebody's fiancée?

Around and around and around her mind went, until she reached out and grabbed her phone to distract herself.

A couple of texts shone on the screen. She blinked at it, trying to work out who would be texting her. If it was Gina, she was going to throw her phone out the window.

Then she remembered - Nora had insisted on getting her number at the hospital, and apparently everybody had it now.

She had sent a picture of Eddie with the caption "he has some color!!" And a string of the old-fashioned kind of text hearts, as if she were one of those people who refused to learn about emojis.

Henry had sent, "Dear Iris, we're celebrating Christmas tomorrow and we'd like to have you with us. Thanks, Henry." As if he were sending an email.

Oh god, olds were so cute.

Then she read it again and thought, _Shit, they're inviting me to_ Christmas _._

Like she needed to feel like more of a fake.

Wally had deluged her with requests for her handle on various platforms. Most of her social media was dead as a doornail, placeholder accounts so she could go techno-snooping around Central City. Her Twitter was linked to her blog, so she didn't send that, but she found herself adding him on Snapchat. Hopefully he wasn't the kind of kid who posted incessant  bathroom selfies and gym selfies. She thought Joe might have something to say about that.

Nothing from Joe, she noted, and told herself not to feel sad.

She stared at all the connections she suddenly had, connections she had no right to, and gulped.

Then she swiped her phone open and looked up visiting hours at the hospital. They started at six. She checked the time, calculated the bus schedules, and thought, _If I get up right now and take my makeup bag with me, I can get there ten minutes before visiting hours start._

It was her day off, for cripes sake. She should go back to sleep.

* * *

 At five-fifty-five (the nurse had said, "oh, just go on in"), Iris walked into Eddie's room. She stood for a moment, listening to the beeps and the wheezes and all the sounds of a hospital and of a person whose body wasn't working the way it should.

"Hi," she said softly.

Eddie, of course, didn't answer.

"I'm supposed to be at home, asleep," she informed him.

Again: no answer.

She sighed. "So, in case you missed it, your family thinks we're engaged. Which was a surprise to me too." She rubbed her tired eyes. "I don't know how it happened, really, and I don't know what to - I mean, I do. I should tell them the truth. I should. But they were so happy to meet me. They really love you, you know."

She sat down, fiddling with the edge of her sleeve.

"This is the weirdest first date I've ever been on," she said. "Probably you, too."

A machine beeped.

"So, I know your name now. Edward Thawne, AKA Eddie. And I'm Iris. I think you knew that. Probably. Did you ever really see me? People don't, you know. They look right through you even when you see them every day. But you're a cop. Observant, right? So I'm sure you must have noticed my name tag. I mean, at least once or twice."

Eddie kept his silence.

"Well, if you want my full name, I'm Iris Ann West. Which is weird, I know, my last name and your neighbor's name, identical like that. I don't know any of my dad's family at all. They never made any effort to meet us."

She wrapped a loose thread around her fingertip. "Iris Ann West," she said again. "Um. I grew up in Keystone, I moved to Central City a couple of years ago. I work too much at Jitters. But you knew that already. Uh - I have an apartment, and a car. Sometimes. Oh, and most of a journalism degree. And that's it, really. That's everything about me."

She started to tell him about her blog, but at the last minute closed her mouth. Nobody knew about her blog.

"Sad, huh? That all I have is things, and even those aren't very good."

She studied his face.

"Look, I kind of had to go by what I picked up, and that wasn't exactly comprehensive. So I know you're not talking to your family, but I don't know why. And I know it's not my business, but maybe you should try to work it out. Because, believe me, you're going to want to talk to them when they're gone. You're going to want that _so much._ "

She rested her head in her hand. Her own fatigue dragged at her. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth as she told him, "Being alone - really, really alone - it's no fun. Take it from me."

* * *

Just outside Eddie's room, Joe eased back from the door. He rested his shoulder against the wall and let out a very small sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

The next thing Iris knew, a hand was shaking her shoulder. "Mmmfl," she said, lifting her head.

Nora Thawne said, "Oh, sweetheart, did you sleep here all night?"

"Oh! No, I came by early and - oh." She rubbed her eyes and checked her phone. It was ten in the morning. "I must have fallen asleep." She started gathering up her things, aware that Nora or Henry might want her seat.

"Honey, don't apologize, the number of times I waited up for Henry - " She looked at her husband fondly. "It's something you do for the man you love."

Iris's stomach twisted up. She watched them with Eddie, the way Nora adjusted his cannula, the way Henry checked the numbers on the machines. "I should get going," she said.

"Wait," Henry said, "did you get my text?"

"Ah. Yes. I - I did."

"Well? What do you think?"

Nora looked up from adjusting the bedsheets. "Henry, don't pester her. But we'd love to have you, Iris. We would."

"Do you have to work?" Henry asked.

It was the perfect excuse. She always had to work.

She said, "I don't know yet. This time of year, you know, people call in right and left, and my boss might call me in - "

"Barry swears he'll be there tonight," Henry said, as if that was a incredible temptation.

Nora took up the notion, her eyes going bright. "You can finally meet him! He'll be so happy."

"Right!" Iris said, trying to sound excited. "Yes. Of course. I can't wait to meet Eddie's brother."

Nora's eyes widened. "Eddie called him his brother?"

Iris backpedaled hard, scrambling to climb out of something she hadn't even known was there to step in. "Uh - well - not in so many words, but the way he talked about him - what exactly is the situation? I - I'm not really clear on that, to tell you the truth."

"Barry's our nephew," Henry said. "His parents died in a home invasion when he was eleven."

"Oh my god. How awful."

"Eddie never mentioned that?"

Iris could say with absolute truth, "No, he didn't."

"We raised Barry after my sister and brother-in-law passed away," Nora said. "He was only a year behind Eddie in school, and it wasn't always the easiest thing, but they were close. They were. Until last year."

"Right. Yeah. Of course. Naturally," she said, trying to sound as if she knew exactly what had happened last year.

"But Barry will be really happy to meet you! He misses Eddie, maybe the most of any of us. If you can come tonight. I don't want to pressure you. I'm making a turkey. And eggnog."

Henry coughed into his hand, sounding suspiciously like, "Drink soda."

Nora looked around, laughing at him. "I've got a good recipe this time! I'm going to get it right if it kills me."

"Honey, that's not who I'm worried it will kill."

"Ohhhh!" She swatted him, and he laughed and put his arm around her shoulders. Iris found herself smiling as she watched them.

"I - uh - it sounds really nice. I'll let you know what happens. If I can." She edged toward the door.

"Don't you want to say goodbye?"

For a split second, Iris thought Nora meant to herself and Henry, and then she saw the way both of them looked at Eddie, unconscious in the bed.

Right.

_Right._

An actual fiancee would give her beloved some kind of farewell. She told herself not to hesitate, not to look as if this was the first time she was doing this, and leaned over. At the last moment, she moved her head and kissed his cheek. It was rough and scratchy under her lips and the skin felt strangely slack.

She gave them a shy smile and said, "I'll let you know about dinner."

* * *

Cisco was in the courtyard, getting his mail. When he spotted her, he said, "Hey! Excellent timing, I was about to knock on your door. You got a Boxing Day present, wanna guess what it is?"

"Is it a trip back to the day before yesterday?" She checked her own mail. Nothing but the electric bill, which was somewhere between astronomical and impossible.

"Uh, no, even better. A working car." He pulled her car keys out of his pocket and jingled them.

When she didn't respond, he said, "Wow, Cisco, you're amazing! Thank you so much! Oh no, it was nothing. Pshaw. Stop gushing."

She rubbed her eyes. "Sorry. It's just been - thanks, Cisco. That's awesome. I'll bring you a cranberry orange scone tomorrow."

He surveyed her. "You are seriously lacking in the holiday spirit."

"Christmas is over."

"Nuhuh, it's right now the twelve days of Christmas. I think today I'm supposed to get a partridge in a pear tree."

In spite of herself, she said, "Wouldn't today be the second day? So you'd also get two french hens." Or was that turtledoves? Huh.

"Eh. It's a matter of debate. You ever done the math on that song, though? It gets ka-ray-zay."

She plucked her keys out of his hand. "Thanks again. I need sleep."

"Hey," he said, and she turned on the staircase. "I know we're not, like, BFFs or anything, but you kind of look like you need to talk. And, you know, I got ears."

She hugged her coat around her. "I'm fine."

"Really? Then what happened yesterday that you want to rewind past?"

Somehow, she found herself sitting on the cold steps, her ass slowly going numb, as she told Cisco the whole messy story.

"I can't believe you faked an engagement to Hot Cop," he said.

"Okay, first of all, I didn't fake it on purpose. Second of all, don't call him Hot Cop, it sounds like a strip-o-gram. Third of all, I thought you'd be more excited that the Flash rescued me."

"This is Central City. Everybody's seen the Flash, and he wasn't even doing anything but his Flash thing. NBD."

She eyed him. Of all people, she would have thought Cisco would be the biggest Flash fanboy in town. Of course, with the hours he kept, maybe he had seen the hero enough times to get jaded.

"This stuff is way juicier," he said. "So what are you going to do?"

She shook her head. "I know what you're going to say. I should tell them. I should be honest."

He leaned back, propping his elbows on the step behind him. "Actually, I was going to say you should play along."

"What?"

"Just for a few days."

"Cisco!"

"No, no, hear me out. Look at it from their point of view for a minute, okay? They've been estranged from their son for, what, a year?"

"Something like that."

"And now he's in the hospital and they're all worried about him. But! But, but, but. Here you are. The woman Eddie loves."

Iris whimpered.

"They probably feel like they've got him back again. And what are you going to do? Tell them they don't. Book it out of their lives. Make 'em stare at their unconscious kid - "

"Who's going to wake up any day."

"- and not even have the comfort of having his girl around to talk to about him. Remember what Joe said? That they were falling apart? And now you're here, being all sticky and putting them back together."

"What happens when he wakes up? Caitlin was pretty sure it would be soon. He's going to wake up and he's going to look at me and he's going to say, 'coffee girl, what are you doing here?'"

"That's a bridge you can cross when you come to it," he said. "In the meantime, you were offered turkey and terrible eggnog. I think you should take 'em up on it."

* * *

Her phone told her that the destination was on the right, so she pulled over and parked. The engine shuddered in a worrying way as she shifted into park, and she mumbled, "Don't you dare," at it.

She gathered up her bottle of wine, festively decorated with a bow. It had seemed like a good gift at home, when she'd unearthed it from her pantry and wiped the dust off, but now it just looked sort of sad.

The house was a Craftsman bungalow, all warm wood and big windows, and strangely dark for a house that was celebrating. She picked her way up the steps and was just raising her hand to knock on the door when it opened and Joe stepped out.

"Hi!" she yelped, clutching her wine bottle to her chest.

"Hey." He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, and her stomach clenched. Then he said, "You know this is my house, not the Thawnes', right?"

"What?" She checked her phone.

He looked over her shoulder and chuckled. "3602," he said. "They're 3620."

"Oh," she said. She'd jabbed the numbers in quickly, trying to do her hair at the same time.

He laughed more fully. "It's all right. Happens all the time. It's how we met. Kept getting each others' mail when we first moved in. It's a few minutes' walk down the street."

"Oh, okay. Can I offer you a ride?"

He looked at her car, parked in the street. "In that?"

"Well. Yes."

"No offense, honey, but that car doesn't look like it'll make it down the block."

"It might not," she said. "The cold makes it temperamental."

"Probably doesn't help it's older than my son."

"Probably. Where is he?"

"Over there already, trying to keep Nora from killing us all."

"Eggnog?"

"Among other things. Don't get me wrong, I love Nora to death, but her assessment of her own cooking skills is what you might call optimistic."

She laughed and stepped around a puddle. The surface of the water dimpled as a light, chilly rain started up.

"So, I've been thinking about this coincidence with us." He waved his hand between them. "The name."

"It's a pretty common name."

"Sure, but it would be pretty funny if we did turn out to be cousins or something. Are you from here?"

She fiddled with the ribbon. "Well, I was born and raised in Keystone, but my parents actually met in Coast City."

"Coast City, huh? I think there's a branch out there. What are their names?"

"My mom was Lucy," she said. "Robinson, before she married my dad. And he was Jack."

"Jack West, married to Lucy Robinson," he said, as if noting it down in an invisible notebook. Then - "Was," he said slowly. "They're no longer with you?"

She shook her head. "Mom died when I was five," she said. "Cancer. And Dad, um. Well, a couple of years ago, he contracted cancer, too. It's why we moved here, for treatment. I had to drop out of school and start working at Jitters. And then about a year ago, the treatment wasn't enough anymore. And he died."

"That's pretty rough."

She shrugged. "I'm doing okay." Her fingers wound through the ends of the ribbon, tugging the bow askew.

"Yeah?"

"Sure."

They walked the length of the next house in silence. In the yard, a light-up Santa intoned "Merry Christmas" like a gothic dirge.

"So he died - when?"

"January," she said, and suddenly it hit her like a tank, that in six days she would be living in a year that her father had never seen. She gritted her teeth.

"Long year, I bet."

"A really long year." She fiddled with the bow again, and found herself saying, "You what I miss the most? Besides my dad. I really, really miss my dad, but also, I miss _me_. I miss the person I was before he got sick."

"And who was that?"

"Strong, smart, confident, outgoing. I had friends, I had school, my life was _happening_ , you know? I wasn't anybody really, yet. But I was going to be, I felt it. I was going to go out in the world and make my mark. People were going to know the name Iris West."

"And now?"

"Now - " She shrugged. "I'm not that girl anymore. I don't know where she went."

"She's still there," Joe said. "She's just had a hard time lately."

She brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Sorry. That all just fell out of my mouth. I'll stop whining."

"It's okay to feel these things, Iris," he said. "It's okay to struggle. Admitting it doesn't make you less strong."

"It's Christmas, though," she said. "Joy and light and celebration. Not really the time for my issues."

He said slowly and thoughtfully, "My wife left me on Christmas Day."

She stopped dead on the sidewalk to stare at him. Raindrops glittered on the lapels of his wool coat, and in the tight grey curls of his beard.

He shrugged. "Francine had her own problems. In the long run it was better for all of us, but it was tough as hell, right after. Wally was just a baby, and all he knew was, his mama wasn't there anymore. But Henry and Nora were there for me. They always have been." He waved his hand at a brightly lit house - two stories, with lights on every conceivable surface. "It's this one."

"How long have you been friends?" she asked, following him up the walk.

"Twenty-five years, thick and thin. Lotta thin," he said wryly. "On both sides."

"I heard about Barry's parents."

"Mmmm. Yeah. That was tough." He grinned suddenly. "On the other hand, I can tell you all sorts of embarrassing stories about all three boys."

She laughed uncomfortably. "I'll bet."

He became serious again. "They're not just friends, they're family. You know? I'd never let anyone hurt them."

She remembered Nora's face, bright with hope as she invited her to Christmas. Henry looking at her with awe after he heard about the hazelnut syrup. "Neither would I."

He studied her face. "No, you wouldn't," he said. "Would you?"

The door popped open and Nora stuck her head out. "What are you two doing standing out here in the rain? Come in, come in!"

Joe climbed the steps and kissed her cheek. "How's the eggnog doing?"

"Just fine! Oh, Iris, how sweet. This will go perfectly with the turkey. Anyway, Joe, I'll pour you a glass and you can tell me how it is."

"Yikes," Joe said, making an exaggerated face at Iris, who bit back her laugh as she stepped into the warm, bright house.

* * *

As they were bringing the food to the table, Barry texted saying he'd gotten caught up at work and would try to get away soon. From the way Nora and Henry exchanged glances, Iris gathered that she probably wouldn't see him tonight. They shook the moment off, smiling and laughing and dishing out food.

Nora wasn't _quite_ as awful a cook as everyone said, although Iris would never go so far as to say that she was a master chef. Everything was decently edible, anyway, and the mashed potatoes (which Wally loudly claimed credit for) were about the best things she'd put in her mouth in awhile.

After dinner came the cheerful hubbub of presents. Wally took on Santa duties, passing out presents, proclaiming that as the youngest and most agile person in the room, he had to preserve the old folks' joints.

Joe swatted him and Wally ducked, and everyone laughed. Iris did too. She liked Wally, who'd sat next to her at dinner and pestered her until she admitted the mashed potatoes were awesome.

He came to the spot she'd claimed, a present in his arms, and said, "For you."

"What?" It landed in her lap. "From who?"

He grinned down at her. He was really tall. "Santa, duh."

She ran her fingers over the shiny foil paper. Whatever it was, they'd had to have gone out and gotten it today, in the teeming horror of after-Christmas returns at the mall. Something just for her.

She hugged it to her chest, watching Wally pass out the rest of the presents.

On the couch, Nora was telling Henry to put on his glasses so he could read the tag on a package.

"My glasses have nothing to do with it," he harrumphed. "This writing is chicken scratch, can you read it?"

She snorted and snuggled into his side. "I can read it perfectly. It's from Uncle Hal."

"Who the hell is Uncle Hal?"

"You know Uncle Hal."

"Oh wowwwwwwwwwwwww," Wally yelped as he opened a particularly hefty box to find a new laptop.

"It's for school, son," Joe said sternly. "Now you can't be complaining about how your old one can't handle the drafting software without crashing. I don't want you using it for video games, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know - Dad, this is amazing, thanks so much!" He hugged his dad, unselfconsciously, and Joe kissed the top of his head.

Iris smiled to herself, resting her cheek on the cool wrapping paper.

"I know an Uncle Stan."

"No, honey, Uncle _Hal."_


	4. Chapter 4

Sometime in the night, the door opened. Iris jerked awake, lying wide-eyed until she identified where she was. The Thawnes' house, on their couch, curled up under the ugliest and most snuggly crocheted blanket she'd ever seen in her life.

The rain had started freezing on the streets, and Henry wouldn't hear of Iris driving home, especially since she'd had a few glasses of her own wine. Joe ganged up on her, telling them about her awful car, until she gave in and agreed to sleep on the couch.

But who was coming in the door?

She peered over her shoulder and saw a tall, lanky figure in the shadows. Her fingers curled into the blanket, and she wished she were at home, because she kept a baseball bat under her bed, and - 

"Barry, hey!" Wally whispered from the kitchen. 

Iris's fingers relaxed, and she felt ridiculous.

Barry. Of course. The mysterious Barry. Who else would be strolling in the front door at three in the morning? 

"Wally, hi, man!" Barry whispered back. "Sleeping over?" He didn't sound one bit surprised to find the younger boy in his aunt and uncle's house at three in the morning. 

There was something familiar about his voice. She couldn't place it.

"Yeah, I fell asleep in the chair after presents and Dad abandoned me."

"More like you didn't feel like walking home in the freezing rain." There was a pleasant laugh in Barry's voice. "Midnight snack?" 

"I'm a growing boy. Want some?"

"Like I'll say no to Cocoa Puffs." A bowl chimed with the musical sound of sugar in cereal form being poured into it, and then the glug of a milk jug. "So, is that the famous Iris on the couch?"

"Yeah! She's awesome, you're going to love her. Here, check these out - " 

Iris guessed Wally was showing off some of the selfies he'd insisted on taking with her, adding ridiculous filters until her sides hurt from laughing. 

Barry's voice, when he spoke, sounded strained. "Th-that's Iris?"

"Yeah."

"She's who Eddie's engaged to? Are you sure?"

"Uhhhh, yeah, I'm sure. What's up? You've got a funny look on your face."

"Nothing," Barry said. "Just hungry." Cereal crunched.

Iris swallowed hard.

* * *

She didn't relax until she heard them both go up the stairs. She managed to fall asleep again for another couple of hours, but when her alarm went off at six, she was awake immediately.

She'd just finished texting Nora a thank-you when a voice said, "Good morning."

She let out a strangled squawk and whipped around to see Barry leaning in the door of the kitchen, a giant turkey sandwich in one hand. He had a young, pleasant face, even with a mouth full of sandwich, and light brown hair falling over his forehead. 

"Good morning," she said, eying the sandwich - how had he snuck around so quietly to make it?

"You're Iris," he said, reclaiming her attention.

"And you're Barry," she said.

"Yeah. That's me."

He had on flannel sleeping pants and a faded t-shirt that proclaimed him a member of the West Central High Mathlympics team, circa about ten years before. It stretched taut over his shoulders, as if he'd grown a lot since first acquiring it. His long-toed feet were bare, and for some reason, that minor detail made shyness well up in her, forcing babble out of her mouth.

"We missed you last night," she said, and immediately felt like an idiot. We? As if she really belonged here.

He looked down at his sandwich. "Yeah, I, uh, there was work stuff."

"That's what I heard."

"But I got a sandwich, which is the best part of Christmas turkey anyway, so."

"Did you get any mashed potatoes?"

"I gave them a miss."

"Wally made them, though."

"Wait, he did? Well, that's different." He glanced over his shoulder at the fridge. "Hey, you want some? Since I'm going to be fixing up a bowl anyway."

"Um, sorry, I can't. I - I hate to rush out of here, but I have to be at work at eight and I still have to shower and - yeah. All of that."

"Right," he said. "Sure."

She gave him a tight smile, wondering if this was the moment he was going to say,  _ I know you're not Eddie's fiancee, get out of here, you fake faker. _

He smiled back, and there was something funny about it, something tight around the corners of his mouth. She hitched her purse higher on her shoulder, mumbled, "So, bye," and started for the door.

"Hey," he said, and she jolted.

"Look, I - " she started to say.

But he kept talking.  "Drive careful, okay? The ice is pretty wicked."

"Right," she said, and escaped.

* * *

Barry watched the door close behind her and thought,  _ It figures. _

He finished off his sandwich, vacuumed up some mashed potatoes, and climbed the stairs as quietly as possible. His ankle twinged, and he paused on the landing to roll it around a little. It had broken the night before, when he'd wiped out on a frozen street, and he might have taken the air cast off just a little too soon. It would be fine after some sleep.

He paused by his aunt and uncle's door, wondering if he should wake them up. But he'd see them for breakfast, not too long from now. And have to make up some good excuse for why he'd missed dinner and gifts  and - 

He'd never missed Christmas. Never. It made his chest go hollow. But there had been a rash of crimes last night, and everything had taken so much _ longer _ than it should have, and getting his ankle set certainly hadn't helped.

He thought grumpily at all the criminals, human and meta:  _ Thanks for mostly taking actual Christmas Day off, fellas, but that didn't help me today, now did it? _

His only save Christmas Day had been the one at the coffee shop. With that beautiful girl behind the counter. When her big, dark eyes had blinked open and looked into his, something in him had clicked -  _ oh. There you are. _

He'd never felt anything like it.

And then Eddie, unconscious on the floor, and he'd forgotten everything else (mostly everything else) in rushing him to the hospital, his head lolling in obscene slow-motion on Barry's shoulder. Barry's heart had stuttered don't-die-don't-die-don't-die in his chest until he was able to drop Eddie off in the ER. When the doctors hadn't immediately started yelling for crash carts, he'd allowed himself to breathe again.

He knew how doctors were, he knew their varying stages of alarm and motion and energy, and while they'd been concerned, they hadn't been life-or-death focused. So he could zip back out and slump against the side of the building and just breathe for a few moments, because Eddie was going to live.

Between Eddie and the girl, he'd nearly forgotten to retrieve the robbers and drop them off at the nearest precinct. He'd almost knocked himself out on the locked door (your hero, Central City!) and then phased through the glass to find two tied-up robbers trying to squirm free of their bonds. No Caitlin and no beautiful coffee girl.

For a favor, he'd returned a second time to put all the scattered money back in the register and close it up tight so hopefully the beautiful girl wouldn't get in trouble with her boss.

Then he'd returned twice in two days, ordering coffee like a regular person, looking around for her without success. He'd never expected to see her in Wally's phone, with a silly and adorable flower crown filter, and Wally telling him she was Eddie's mysterious fiancee, whose existence had been blowing up his phone for the past two days.

_ Iris. _

_ And you're Barry,  _ she'd said, as if she knew him too. But of course - some guy in his aunt's kitchen, after hearing about him for two days. It had been an obvious conclusion. There was no way his name had resonated on her tongue the way hers did on his. He was just another member of the family she was about to join.

He sat on his childhood bed and rolled his ankle around again. Despite the turkey sandwich and the mashed potatoes, he was still a little hungry. He ignored it and stretched out, pressing his hand to his heart.

Leave it to him to fall in love at first sight with the girl his cousin was going to marry.

Well, that was another secret he was going to have to keep.

* * *

Iris thought for sure she was going to get raked over the coals for leaving after the robbery, but instead everyone wanted to hear the story. "I barely saw the Flash for a second," she said over and over again. "He just asked if I was okay and rushed Eddie to the hospital. That's it. Not impressive."

"But he's the Flash!"

"Well - yeah. But it's not like we had a  _ moment _ , or anything. He just - I'm sure he's like that with everyone."

Sometime in the mid-morning lull, Caitlin came in and stared her down from the other side of the counter, doing a fair imitation of Snoopy-as-vulture. Iris said, "Can I help you?"

"You didn't tell them." She looked awkward for a moment. "I mean, I think you didn't tell them, because I haven't heard about it yet and they were just at the hospital and they didn't look at me differently at all."

Iris reached over and grabbed her sleeve, hauling her to the end of the counter so it looked as if they were intensely debating cake pop flavors. Fair was fair. "No, I didn't."

"Then I'll tell them."

"No!" Iris yelped, and lowered her voice when Rachel looked over like,  _ Chill, Iris, they're globs of frosting with a little cake in them, nothing to get that vehement about. _ "No. Please?"

"You want me to keep lying?"

"I'm not asking you to make up stories about my blissful engagement. Just do your job and don't mention what else you know."

"Oh my god," Caitlin groaned.

"I'll tell them in a couple of days. It doesn't feel right at the moment."

_ "Feel  _ right? Do you remember how I could lose my license?"

Iris had done her research. "It's more likely you'll have to pay a fine."

"That's if they don't choose to sue me."

"Are they more likely to sue you today or in a couple of days? How much difference will it really make?"

"I don't know. Fine. Okay. What's one more lie?"

"Great. I'll make your usual, on the house."

Caitlin's eyes narrowed. "Are you bribing me?"

"I'm totally bribing you."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll need something with espresso, though. I was up way too late last night, setting some idiot's ankle."

"Great. I've got just the thing." Iris ran over and mixed up Jitters' new signature drink. "It's called the Flash."

Caitlin stared at it dubiously.

"It's in honor of his save. It's coffee with an espresso shot. It'll wake you up. Want me to double that shot?"

"No, thank you, I haven't scheduled a heart attack for today."

Iris watched her take a very, very tiny sip and said, "Okay, I really don't get something." 

"What?" Caitlin blinked a few times and shook her head hard. "Wow, I should have had this in med school."

"You're a very methodical woman, right? Every outfit coordinates perfectly. I've never seen you with so much as a chipped nail. You've ordered the same drink for the past four months. You've taken up to five minutes to decide between two different flavors of scone. Which is a dick move when people are in line, by the way. Stop doing that."

Caitlin blinked.

"My point is, you're not impulsive by any stretch of the imagination. So how did we get into this mess?"

Caitlin set her drink down and twisted her ring again. "Do you remember the big lightning storm in August?"

Iris pulled out a rag and started wiping down the glass to make herself look productive. "Are we going to go with extremely belated lightning psychosis or something stupid like that?"

"No," Caitlin said. "Do you remember the lab that got struck by lightning and burned down?"

"Oh, right!" she said, scrubbing at a pair of particularly sticky handprints. "That was awful." And it had been after that when the city started to get seriously weird.

"My fiance worked there."

"Oh my god," Iris said. "Is he okay?"

Caitlin said flatly. "He's dead."

Iris's hand froze. She stared at her rag for a moment, her cheeks burning. "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you." Caitlin put her hands around the mug again, as if to warm them up. "I had so many fantasies that I could have saved him, if I'd been there. I could have pulled him out of the way, I could have administered first aid, I could have gotten him to a hospital." She rubbed her thumb over the rim of the cup, wiping away the smudge of her pink lipstick. Her voice was even, expressionless. "BUt I wasn't there for him. I was home. Asleep. I woke up and everything was different."

Iris nodded. "So there I was, just saved Eddie's life, and you heard me say that stupid thing and - "

"It was like something else took over my brain. All I could think of was making it different for you than it was for me. Making a different ending."

Iris let out a heavy sigh. "So here we are."

"Here we are." Caitlin looked at her drink and sipped again. "This is why I don't do things on impulse, by the way. They always seem to blow up spectacularly."

* * *

Barry was examining a strand of hair through the microscope when his desk phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID, he reached out and picked it up. "Forensics, Allen speaking."

"Allen? Barry Allen?"

He pulled away from the microscope and looked at the caller ID. 4th Precinct, it said. Eddie's precinct. 

He'd gotten calls from them before. He would lunge for the phone, hoping to hear Eddie's voice on the other end, but it was always a matter of police procedure. So he said, "Sure is. What can I help you with?"

"This is Tom Patterson. I'm Eddie's partner. You're Eddie's cousin or whatever, right?"

"That's me," Barry said. "Were you calling for an update? He's still out, but they say he should come out of it soon. You can stop by if you want."

"I went already. Paid my respects to your parents and all," Patterson cut in. "But this Iris girl - "

"Iris," Barry said. "She's great, isn't she?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she is, except this is the first I'm hearing about her."

Barry sat down on his chair with a thud. "What?"

"I'm saying I've never heard of her. Never seen her picture, never heard her name, never got the dirty deets about how she is in the sack - "

"Okay," Barry said hastily, "I get it, okay. Uh - " He rubbed his hair, forgetting that he was wearing sterile gloves. With a grumble, he peeled them off. "Uh, I mean, Eddie's always been a gentleman that way. Even when we were in high school. He doesn't share a lot of details."

"Yeah, he is. I hardly ever get that info. And it makes sense if it was a new thing and he didn't want to show her off to all us nasty horndogs at the 4th. But, engaged? Guy like Eddie gets engaged, he's gonna tell everybody."

"Yeah, he would," Barry said slowly. "Uh - "

"Listen, the only thing stopping me from running her and seeing what pings is that I don't have her full name yet. Nobody does. See? That's my point. So, help me out?"

Barry fiddled with a new pair of gloves, thinking fast. "How about I run the check?"

"You?"

"Sure. I can get more info, more quietly. I'll run the check and if anything pings, I'll take care of it. Quietly."

"If she's some kind of scam artist - "

"Then you can arrest her, I promise, but let me handle it until then."

Patterson let out a sigh. "Fine. Whatever. Keep me in the loop. Last thing I want is for Eddie to wake up and find out he's been taken for everything he's got."


	5. Chapter 5

He ran her name, and came up with nothing. Which Patterson would say meant she was just really good at covering her tracks.

Barry decided to do some of his own recon, and maybe talk to her himself. Not to tell her about Patterson's suspicions, obviously, but to see if there was some other reason that people in Eddie's life didn't know.

She hadn't even been wearing a ring, he remembered. Wouldn't a con-woman have taken care of that detail?

Maybe it was that brand-new. Maybe Eddie had _just_ proposed before Christmas and they hadn't had the chance to announce it. Or maybe she had a vindictive ex she needed taken care of it before they could go public.

(He could help with that! Or, well, the Flash could, anyway.)

Or maybe -

Well, he didn't know, but she deserved the chance to explain before he started treating her like a criminal or something.

He could almost see not only Patterson, but also Joe and even Eddie shaking their heads at him. He was too trusting, too ready to take things at face value. _People aren't chemical reactions or mathematical equations_ , Joe had told him for years. _You can't just go around trusting what they say._

It wasn't a _bad_ thing to give people a chance, he thought stubbornly.

He told himself all afternoon that he was going to call or text her now, and somehow kept putting it off. But when he suited up and went out on patrol as the Flash that night, he found his feet carrying him to the address on her DMV record.

Her apartment was on the second floor. He counted windows and hung back in the shadows, thinking.

A voice said in his ear, "Can I help you, Flash?"

He whipped around. "What are you doing here?"

The man standing in the shadows with him shook his head. "That's my question for you. Keep up."

He was about six inches shorter than Barry, his eyes hidden behind a pair of faceted goggles and his long hair tied back into a ponytail at the base of his neck. He looked like a college kid, but Barry had seen him take a meta down with a single, focused blast or an efficient uppercut.

For two months, until that one blog had published the name _Vibe,_ Barry had just called him _the other one_.

The first time they'd run into each other, both of them trying to foil the same bank heist, they'd each assumed the other was a member of the robber gang. The Rogues had escaped while they fought each other, which hadn't exactly made them best friends forever.

They'd settled into a wary agreement to stay out of each other's territory and not interfere when they ran into each other in the course of their duties. He didn't know all of Vibe's powers yet, just like Vibe didn't know all of his. Barry thought sometimes that they should work together, but somehow it seemed easier to be on his own.

But then Vibe had appeared out of thin air the other night, picked him up off the frozen street, and taken him to Caitlin for patching up.

("How do you know Caitlin?"

"How do _you_ know Caitlin?"

"Will both of you _shut up,"_ she'd growled, "and stop distracting me, or this bone will heal crooked and then I'll have to break it again.")

Ever since then, Barry had been thinking about trying to get to know him better, but not like this, getting spotted surveilling Iris's apartment.

"Well? Getting some sight-seeing in?" Vibe asked.

"Just passing through," he said casually, leaning against the wall.

"Well, you've been just passing through for like ten minutes, and that's awful slow for you, Flash." Vibe crossed his arms. "What's up? Is there a desperate meta in that complex? Because, son, this is my end of town."

Barry sucked on his teeth, considering. "I have to know more about a woman who lives there," he said finally.

"Who?"

A clunky car rolled down the street and turned into the parking lot, lurching into a covered parking space. The engine shut off with a cough, and Iris got out.

She looked tired, Barry thought. She looked like she wanted to curl up on her couch and drink wine.  She looked like she needed the world's longest hug.

Of course she did. Her fiance was in a coma.

Vibe followed his gaze. "Her? What do you want with her?"

"It's a long story," Barry said. "You know her?"

"How would I know her? What's the long story?"

"What do you know about her?"

"I just said - "

"I know, I heard you, but - " Barry fluttered his fingers at Vibe's temple, and the other meta ducked away, scowling. "Do your thing. Your vibing thing. You can do it on purpose, I've seen you."

"Why would I do my thing when you're not giving me a good reason to invade some perfectly innocent woman's privacy?"

"I want to make sure she _is_ perfectly innocent."

Vibe shook his head. "You know what? Fine." He pushed his fingers against his temple a moment.

Something about it seemed a little off, but he barely knew Vibe. Maybe this was how he did his thing sometimes.

After a moment, the other superhero reported, "She's completely human, not a meta. She's a law abiding citizen, so leave her alone."

"That's it? That's all you got?"

Barry had the strong impression he was rolling his eyes behind the goggles. "Oh, and she's got a boyfriend."

"She does?" Had Vibe seen Eddie?

"Yep. Big guy. Lives downstairs from her. He'll kick your ass if you bother her, so I'd zip away and leave her alone already, Speedy."

Barry's stomach sank, because Eddie absolutely one hundred percent did _not_ live in this apartment complex. "What's his name? The boyfriend."

"Uh - um. Cisco Ramon. And like I said, back off or he'll make you."

"Right," Barry said in a hollow voice. "Got it."

* * *

In just a few days, it had already become habit for Iris to stop by the hospital after her shift was done. She stepped out the door of Jitters and saw Barry Allen walking by on the other side of the street, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his head bowed against the wind. He came to the corner and waited, squinting at the crossing light.

She was about a hundred feet back from the curb, and she calculated for a moment. It didn't look like he'd seen her yet. If she sped up and crossed right now, in the other direction, they would miss each other. But if she waited a few moments, they could walk the last block to the hospital together.

She swallowed. Her nerves yesterday morning, at his aunt and uncle's house, had just been nerves. He hadn't accused her of anything, he hadn't been anything but warm and friendly. And it would be nice to get to know him a little more, since she was behind on that. 

So she waited.

"Hey," she said as he stepped up on the curb.

His head popped up. "Uh. Hey. Iris. Hi."

He looked awkward and tense, the corners of his eyes tight. She swallowed her own nerves. "So. Going to see Eddie?" The light changed in their direction, and she stepped into the crosswalk.

"Yep." He glanced at the tray in her hands, loaded with four full grandes and a plastic bag with several packets of creamer and sugar. "Wow. Feeling sleepy?"

"It's for the nurses," she said, hefting the tray a little.

"You're taking coffee to the nurses?"

She used to do it all the time when her dad was in that same hospital. "They like free coffee almost as much as cops do."

He studied her for a moment. "You want me to take that? It looks heavy."

"I've got it," she said cheerfully. "So. Are you on lunch or something?"

"Took a few hours of personal time this afternoon," he said, and didn't elaborate.

She felt the nerves creep back. This was strange. Where had the warm, smiling man who'd offered her mashed potatoes at six in the morning gone to? "Where do you work?"

"The 16th precinct."

"You and Eddie are both cops? Nora never mentioned that."

"I'm not really a cop," he said. "I can't make arrests or anything. I'm a CSI."

"Like on TV."

He gave a little snort. "Yeah. I guess. Not that glamorous though. I study things like fingerprints and hair and blood spatter. Lot of body fluids."

She grinned at him, knowing she was supposed to be grossed out. "You make it sound amazing."

When he laughed, his whole face lit up, and her stomach shook a little. Weird. "I actually like it, I do. It's like putting together a puzzle every time. I - " The smile faded then. "I guess my job is really to look at the evidence and see if it fits the story we've been given."

"Oh," she said faintly.

"What are you two talking about so seriously?" Joe asked from behind them, and they both turned.

"Hey, Joe," Barry said, giving him a hug.

"Hey, there, son. Iris, good to see you." His arm came around her shoulders for a moment. "Oooh, and good to see the coffee, too. Who's that for?"

"Ah-ah-ah!" She swatted at his inquisitive hand. "For the nurses, don't touch!"

He held his hands up, grinning at her. "Ma'am, yes ma'am."

She grinned back at him, but she could feel Barry's gaze on the side of her face, steady and serious, and she thought of all the ways her story didn't fit the evidence.

* * *

Upstairs they found everybody, an impromptu gathering around Eddie's bed, loud and cheerful. Joe made a sad face when Iris came in the room last, coffee-less. "I was hoping one of them was a tea-drinker," he complained.

She held up the brown paper bag she'd been carrying. "Do you mind day-old pastry?"

"Dad doesn't mind _week_ -old pastry," Wally said, investigating the contents. "Ooo, Uncle Henry, cheese danish - " He passed it over and and pulled out a chocolate chip muffin for himself.

"Oh, wait," Iris said as Barry pulled out the one cranberry orange scone she'd managed to keep back all day. "Not that one - "

"Is that one for you?" Barry asked, trading the scone for a muffin.

"No, the cronut is mine. This is for my downstairs neighbor," she said, wrapping it up again. "I promised him."

"Well, that was nice of you," Barry said, with an edge to his voice.

Okay, maybe he really liked the cranberry-orange scones. _Get in line_ , she thought, and bit into her cronut.

Except for the unconscious man in the bed, it was all very congenial - laughter and jokes and Henry and Wally outrageously cheating each other at poker. Maybe the idea was to wake Eddie with sheer noisy family togetherness.

"So," Barry said, balling up his muffin wrapper and tossing it at the trash can. "I never heard. How did you guys meet?"

Iris almost choked on her last bite. "Me - and Eddie?"

"Honey, she may not want to talk about that right now," Nora said.

Barry said, "Why not? Why wouldn't she want to tell a nice story about how she met the love of her life?" He looked Iris in the eye. "I mean, it is a nice story, right?"

"Iris, you don't have to - "

Iris swallowed. "No, it's okay. Uh. Well. He started coming into Jitters. Where I work. And it got so I looked forward to seeing him everyday." She glanced at the bed. "He was so good-looking."

"Gets that from me," Henry said, and Nora elbowed him.

"And so nice," she added firmly, staring back at Barry, "and he always put money in the tip jar - he just brightened up my day, every time."

They looked at her with smiles and nods. Only Barry watched her narrow-eyed.

She swallowed hard and tiptoed over the line from reality. "And eventually, one day, he asked me out." She gave a little nod. "And that's how we got together."

"When was that?" Barry asked.

"Barry," Henry said.

"August," she said randomly. "20th."

"That's fast," Barry said. "That's really fast. Why aren't you wearing an engagement ring?"

"Honey, when you meet the right one, you just know," Nora said. "And Eddie was always going to get Grandma Garrick's ring."

"Yeah," Iris said, latching onto that. "Um. He wanted to talk to you. Soon."

The older woman's eyes went puppy-soft. "He did?"

She was going to hell. It was confirmed. She managed a smile. "Yeah. He really wanted to."

Who knew? Maybe it was true. Not about getting the ring, obviously, but about talking to his family.

Barry crossed his arms. "What's your guys' favorite restaurant? Is that where he proposed?"

"Barry, enough," Henry said. "What's all this? What's the third degree for?"

He looked around at everyone. He opened his mouth, paused, and bit his lip. Ducking his head, he said, "Just trying to get to know her. She's going to be part of the family."

"You've got the rest of your life to get to know her," Joe said. "Knock off the interrogation."

"I think I should go," Iris said.

Nora said, "No, honey, don't feel like you have to - "

"I should, I have things to do. It was good to see you all." She gave Eddie a kiss on the cheek - it was starting to feel more natural to do that, and gave everyone hugs except for Barry, who made it easier by hanging back, arms still crossed.

As she left, she heard Nora say, "Barry, for god's sake."

Iris was almost back to Jitters when she heard his footsteps behind her. "Hey," he said, and she whipped around.

"What now?" she asked, a little shrilly. "What do you want to know? Do I need to list his identifying marks or something?" Her voice shook. She'd felt awful, lying to his family.

"They think I'm apologizing," he said. "But I'm not. And the only reason I didn't do this back there in front of everybody is because my aunt and uncle have been through enough."

She pressed her fingers to her eyes and turned, striding toward Jitters and her car and escape.

He reached out and caught her elbow, forcing her to stop. She turned on him, then went still, seeing the sadness in his eyes.

Sadness? Why?

"I know everything, Iris," he said.

Her stomach dropped to her toes. "You - what? How?"

"I know about your boyfriend."

It was so completely not what she'd been expecting that she stared at him, slack-jawed. "My boyfriend," she said slowly.

"Yeah. Cisco Ramon. Does Eddie know about him?"

"My boyfriend," she repeated, starting to laugh.

"Um," Barry said.

She turned her back on him and kept walking, all the way to the back corner of the Jitters lot.

"Hey," he said, chasing her. With such long legs, it only took a few strides to catch up. "Hey, I'm serious - "

She paused at the passenger door of her car. "You want to talk to this boyfriend of mine?"

"Sure."

She unlocked the door and flung it open. "Well, get in the car then."


	6. Chapter 6

They trucked through Central City in silence, while her brain buzzed. Was it possible he really did know everything? Or had he put together faulty information?

Maybe she should stop the car and tell him everything. Confess. Just let it all out and then -

And then never, ever see the Thawnes or the Wests again.

Maybe it made her a coward, but she bit the confession back behind her teeth.

She parked in her usual spot and hopped out. Cisco was just cutting through the courtyard, and waved to her.

"Cisco," she said, arms crossed. "A word?"

His bouncy trot slowed to a stop. "I get the feeling that I fucked up, but I'm not sure how."

She heard the passenger door creak shut, and hooked her thumb over her shoulder. "Did you tell this man that we're dating?"

Cisco looked, and his mouth fell open very slightly. Several different expressions chase themselves across his face, too fast to read, before he said finally, "You know . . . I think I did."

"Do you remember how I said _my fiance_ \- " she widened her eyes at him. "- had a cousin-slash-foster brother that I hadn't met yet?"

"Ye - _oh._ "

"Meet Barry Allen."

"The cousin-slash-foster-brother?"

"The same."

Cisco let his head drop, squeezing his eyes shut. "Yep. I fucked up." He lifted his head again. "I'm sorry, Iris."

She softened, because he did look completely chagrined. "Did you think it was another Tony Woodward situation?"

"Yeah, kinda," he said.

"Who's Tony Woodward?" Barry asked. His voice was a little strangled.

Over her shoulder, Iris answered, "This guy who used to come into Jitters all the time. He thought me remembering his drink order meant true love."

Cisco interjected, "It was more than that. He followed you home."

Iris shrugged. "My pepper spray was at the bottom of my bag, so I had to think fast. Cisco played my boyfriend for long enough to get rid of him."

"So you guys never dated?" Barry asked.

"Not even a little bit," Cisco said. "I just wanted to scare you off because you were a strange guy hanging around asking questions like a total creeper."

"When you put it like that - " Barry said, and Iris bit back a laugh at the chagrin in his voice. "I mean, I guess I can't blame you."

Cisco put out his hand. "Nice to meet you. Sorry about the mix-up, man."

"Totally understandable," Barry said, shaking his hand. He still looked a little shell-shocked. "A downstairs neighbor boyfriend who'll kick my ass sounds way more threatening than a fiance in the hospital."

"I promise, Iris is true-blue. Ol' what's-his-face - "

"Eddie," Iris murmured.

"Eddie has nothing to worry about."

Barry nodded. "Yeah, I get that now."

Cisco shifted his weight, rocking from one foot to another. "So now that we've cleared that up - "

"Wait," Iris said. "I've got something for you." She dug in her purse.

"Hey, scone!" he said, delighted.

She handed it over. "Thank you for my car. And for looking after me."

He';d already unwrapped the pastry and taken his first bite. He paused long enough to swallow and asked, "Even though it bit us all in the butt?"

"Even though."

His mouth curled up at the edges. "See, that's two things, so I think I should get a scone tomorrow too."

"Don't push your luck, mister," she warned, and he laughed before going to unlock his door.

She turned to Barry. "So, what did you think of my boyfriend?"

"Okay, okay," he said. "I get it. Big mix-up." He rubbed his hand over his hair, making it stick up.

She battled back a sudden urge to smooth it down again. To stop herself, she said, "You were really hanging around asking questions?"

"I can see how that might sound kind of creepy," he said.

"Might?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "How did you get my address, by the way?"

"Um," he said, eyes drifting away.

"You ran my name, didn't you?"

His brows shot up.

"My dad was a cop," she said. "I guess I should have expected it. Did you find anything?"

He looked her in the eye. "Yeah, an unpaid parking ticket. You should take care of that."

Her mouth fell open. "You did not!"

He laughed. "No! Nothing. Which you knew." He rubbed the back of his neck, color creeping up his face. "Listen. I guess I really do owe you that apology now."

"No," she said, taking a step back and holding up her hands. "Don't apologize. You were looking after your family."

"I told myself I was going to give you a chance and then the minute I thought you'd lied about something, I was all over you. I'm not proud of that."

Her cheeks felt hot. She hoped he attributed it to the wind. "It's okay. Really. It all worked out."

"Except that I feel like a fool."

"Again. You were protecting your family. Don't feel stupid for that. I'd've done the same."

They smiled at each other. Iris's face felt hotter. She cleared her throat. "I guess I should take you back to your car, now that the point of this kidnapping has been achieved."

He blinked a couple of times and looked around. "Oh, you know what, my car's back at work, but I'm actually close enough to walk."

"Really? Where is the sixteenth?"

"Umm, not far. I like walking. It's okay, honestly." He waved at her. "Go home, do your own stuff. I'll cool my head."

"Okay," she said, starting up the stairs. "See you."

When she unlocked her door and looked over her shoulder, he was still there. He gave her a little wave, and she waved back before ducking inside. She took a breath and leaned back against the door, wondering why she felt like she had a happy balloon in her midsection.

* * *

Barry watched the door close. He tucked his hands in his back pockets, thinking a moment, and then went to knock at the door Cisco Ramon had unlocked.

It popped open immediately, like the other man had been expecting him. He leaned against the doorjamb, his mouth curled up. "Barry Allen."

"Cisco Ramon."

Cisco's eyes flickered around the courtyard before returning to his. "Flash," he said more quietly.

"Vibe," Barry said in the same tone of voice.

Cisco shook his head. "I gotta admit, that's really not the way I pictured us learning each others' - hmm." He wrinkled his nose.

"Civilian identities?" Barry suggested. "Because we actually do know each others' secret identities."

"Yeah."

"Me neither, if that helps."

Cisco laughed a little. They studied each other a moment.

Barry never would have put it together. Height and weight and coloring, sure, that all matched up. But Cisco in civilian clothes was miles away from Vibe in his gear. It wasn't just the goggles or the difference in hairstyle, it was in the cut of his mouth, the set of his shoulders. Vibe, in black and red leather, projected cool competence. Cisco, in his vintage Star Trek t-shirt and baggy cords and determinedly amiable expression, would have blended in anywhere.

"Jesus," Cisco said softly. "You even _stand_ differently."

"You too."

Barry wondered if Cisco felt as wary about this meeting as he did. But he was the only other meta Barry had met who was doing what he did, and he had a thousand and one questions.

Cisco said, "You want to come in? Have a beer?"

"Talk shop?" Barry said.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Sure."

He stepped inside and Cisco shut the door behind him. "Beer," Cisco said, and went to the tiny kitchen.

Barry tucked his hands in his pockets and looked around.

Cisco's apartment was small, but warm - sci-fi posters on the wall, blankets jumbled up on the couch, a video game controller discarded in the middle of the floor, family pictures on the wall. Some kind of gadget was spread out on the coffee table, in the middle of a mechanical vivisection.

On a shelf sat - "Police scanner?" he said.

From the kitchen, Cisco called out, "Don't knock it, man, that's a vital part of the Vibe omniscience. That's how I hear about a lot of the situations." He came back in the room, holding two bottles. "This okay?"

"Sure," Barry said. "So, are you actually even psychic?"

Cisco's eyes narrowed slightly. "Uh, yeah, I got the migraines to prove it."

"Sorry," Barry said, suddenly hearing how rude the question had been. "I - like, I don't even know half what you can do - I - "

Cisco let out his breath. "S'okay. Same," he added, nodding at Barry. "Yes. Psychic." He shrugged, twisting the caps off the bottles and handing him one. "Just not as on top of it as I act like I am. Half the time the visions whack me over the head and I have to do some real research to figure out what they're even saying."

Barry picked at the label. "So," he said. "Was it the lightning?"

"Sort of," Cisco said. "I was interviewing for a job at a lab that got struck. Something exploded, it burned down. A few people died. Bad scene. I lucked out. I spent a week in the hospital and came out - different." He shook his head. "Also, obviously, I didn't get the job. Which really sucks because I think I would have liked working there. You?"

"At work. Lightning came right through the skylight in my lab. CSI," he added, pointing at himself. "Just a couple of days in the hospital, but, yeah. After that I was different."

"And so were a whole lot of other people," Cisco said, shaking his head. "Speaking of that, how do you know Caitlin?"

"She found me having a dizzy spell in the park one night. She managed to rouse me and we figured out it was low blood sugar."

"All that running? I bet you burn calories like crazy."

"Oh, yeah. Anyway, since she already knew, I figured it was easier to call her up when I got hurt than to come up with some lie for the emergency room. You?"

"I went into the emergency room with a migraine a few weeks after the explosion. This vision smacked me right between the eyes, and I grabbed her by the arm and said, 'Don't trust the yellow skull. He has knives for hands.'"

Barry's brows went up.

"Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I'd like to see you be coherent when your head's splitting open and reality is doing the cha-cha behind your eyes."

"So, the yellow skull - ?"

"Guy came in five minutes later in a leather jacket with a yellow skull emblem. He also had a set of brass knuckles studded with razors. Caitlin came and bounced me out of psych once she'd decided I wasn't affiliated with the Wolverine wannabe. And like you, I figured what the hell, she already knew, so I might as well hit her up instead of making up lies for other medical personnel every time I got banged up."

"Is she ever - ?"

"Nope. She's got the world's worst bedside manner and I kind of love it."

Barry laughed, and then asked the question that had been beating in his brain ever since he'd first seen Vibe, in that disastrous not-foiled bank heist. "Why do you do it?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Lot of people don't use these powers to help. They rob banks and stuff. I've even run into a few that are just trying to live their life, you know. Do their thing. They don't want to be heroes."

"Yeah, I know. And that's cool for them, but I figure if this landed on me - " Cisco shrugged. "It's on me to use it to help. Great power, great responsibility, right?"

"Yeah," Barry said. "Something like that."

The police scanner crackled to life. They both turned to look at it as it spat codes and locations. A robbery taking place, in a spot in the city that was on the misty borderline between their territories.

"You or me?" Barry asked.

"Sounds like it could be a two-person job," Cisco offered. "You know. If you wanna tag along."

"Sure, I could take the time."

Cisco tapped the neck of his bottle. "You okay to drive there, Speedy?"

"I can't actually get buzzed anymore," Barry admitted. "It's a metabolism thing. So, yeah, I'm fine."

"Great." He reached out and hooked a leather jacket off the back of a chair. Digging in the pocket, he produced a hair tie and his goggles. "Meet me there?"

* * *

Iris was almost done with dinner when her Tweetdeck started going nuts with notifications for both her Flash and Vibe searches. She brought it up and felt her brows almost shoot off her head when she learned that the two heroes had been spotted working together to foil a robbery in progress.

"Huh," she murmured. "That's new." She monitored the convo, retweeted what she could verify, and sent a few DMs to some of her more trusted sources. When both searches devolved into an argument about which hero was hotter, she minimized the program, but not before noting the location of the robbery. She'd have a look tomorrow.

She got up to refill her coffee when it suddenly registered that someone had knocked at her door a few moments ago. She frowned at it - nobody ever visited. Cisco, maybe?

The knock came again.

She detoured by her peephole, then blinked. She opened the door. "Hey, Joe."

"Hey. I was about to text you."

"Sorry, I was wrapped up in a project," she said. "Do you want to come in?"

"Sure," he said, and followed her inside. "Look, Iris, I need to tell you something."

He sounded so serious. She smiled at him. "It's okay," she said. "Barry apologized. We're fine. And I really wasn't leaving because of that, I promise. Do you want some coffee?" She headed for the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

"Iris, I know everything," he said heavily.

She laughed to herself, pulling down an extra mug. "Did you talk to Cisco, too?"

"Who's Cisco?"

Her hand went still on the handle of the coffee pot. She set it down with a soft clink on the warmer, then turned. Dread puddled in her stomach. "What do you mean, everything?"

"The night you went to the hospital and talked to Eddie? I was there too. I heard what you said to him."

"All of it."

He nodded.

She pressed her hands to her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry. I knew it was wrong. I'll tell them - "

"Don't tell them anything."

She looked up. She could feel her lip trembling, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, and she blinked hard. "I don't understand."

He came toward her. "Listen. I've been a cop a long time.  I ran your name, nothing came up. My gut says you're a good girl. I learned years ago that my gut is wise."

"What kind of a good girl tells this big of a lie?"

"The kind who'd never hurt anyone. You told me yourself. Remember when we first met? I said things were bad with the Thawnes? These last few days, things have been about as good as they ever were. Don't take that away, please."

"Eddie's going to wake up soon," she said. "And then they'll know anyway."

He looked at her keenly. "Do you really want to tell them before then?"

"No," Iris said.

His hand settled on her shoulder. "We'll figure it out. It'll be fine. I'm on your side."

* * *

"That was awesome!"

Barry peeled his cowl off and grinned up at Cisco, who was doing some kind of victory dance with his goggles pushed up on top of his head and the leather jacket flapping open, caught somewhere between his affable regular dude and superhero personas.

Cisco flopped onto the tar paper roof of the hospital with a _whoof._ "Man, we gotta team up more often."

"We do," Barry agreed, running his hands through his hair. It was so different with someone on your side. _So_ different.

They dissected the whole thing, discussing ways they could combine their specialties. Barry already had a decent sense of how Cisco was in a fight, just from seeing him around, but hearing the reasons why made all sorts of things shift into alignment.

From there, they segued into discussions of suits, and various drawbacks of their powers, and what it was like doing this gig. Bary got the sense that Cisco didn't have anyone to talk to about it either, and the words poured out between them like a dam had been breached.

Finally, they'd talked themselves out and just sat in the chilly air, looking up at the stars. Barry found himself saying, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Mmm."

"Do you have a thing for Iris?"

"Iris?" Cisco blinked at him as if he'd forgotten she existed. "My upstairs neighbor Iris?"

"Well - yeah."

"No."

Barry's mouth fell open. "Really?"

The other meta shrugged. "I mean, she's hot, yes. And smart, and doesn't stomp on the floor, and brings me delicious pastry foods. And I admit to crushing on her a little when I first moved in. But I figured out pretty fast that wasn't happening, so we're friends."

"Because she met Eddie."

"Right. Eddie."

"Plus now she's engaged."

". . . yep," Cisco said.

Barry rested back on his elbows. "She just _appeared_ ," he said. "And part of me just wants to like her. So much. But I barely know her, and I kind of feel like something's off, you know? Nobody at Eddie's precinct knows her, and that's really strange. But maybe I'm being weird and paranoid. Even Joe likes her, and Joe's a cop, so shouldn't his paranoia be cranked up even higher than mine?"

Cars honked and whooshed by, far below.

"Look," Cisco said finally. "What I can tell you, just by knowing her, is that she's a genuinely good person. If she ever had to deceive someone, it wouldn't be for malicious reasons. Just - get to know her. Find out what she's like, and - and the other stuff will explain itself."

"Yeah," Barry said. "Okay."

Cisco was quiet for a long moment. "So, uh, do _you_ maybe have the crush here? Cuz that's kind of what it sounds like."

He rested his chin on his chest and said, muffled, "She's engaged to Eddie."

Cisco was quiet for another long moment. "Yeah. Right. That."

Behind them, the door that led down into the hospital creaked open, and a voice rang out. "What are you two doing here?"

They both sat up and twisted around to see Caitlin, with the emergency door thumping closed behind her.

She stalked across the tar paper. "What is it tonight? Another broken bone? I should start charging you."

"Uh, no, nothing's wrong. We're just hanging out talking," Barry said. "And don't you do it because of your doctor's oath?"

"My doctor's oath only goes so far when I'm this caffeine deprived." She eyed them. "Really? Nothing?" She sounded just the slightest bit disappointed. Possibly.

Cisco held up his finger. "If you want, I've got an owie," he offered. "Whacked my knuckle earlier." He surveyed his injury. "It'll probably go septic."

The wound was microscopic, already scabbed over. Still, she slapped a bandaid into his chest. "Here. You're lucky I was helping out in pediatrics earlier."

"See, you think this is an insult, but I happen to feel that Doc McStuffins just enhances my raw unbridled charisma." He unwrapped it, pasted it on, and waggled his fingers in satisfaction. "Aw, I can already feel it working."

"You're ridiculous," she said.

"I try," he said.

She pointed at Barry. "And so are you."

"What? Why me?"

"You chose a hospital roof, twelve stories high, to hang out and talk on a rainy night? One of you is going to fall and die and I'm not cleaning it up."

Cisco lit up. "Heyyyy, you watched Firefly! What'd you think?"

Caitlin sniffed a little. "I've had insomnia. It was on Netflix."

"Not so much an answer there."

Barry watched them bicker with a wondering smile. Caitlin was always brisk and professional with him, and he usually went along with that, but Cisco seemed to regard that as a personal challenge.

When a tiny, tiny smile quirked the corners of Caitlin's mouth at one of Cisco's jokes, his eyes lit up in triumph.

"Hey, man, I'm going to do one more round around the city and then go home," Barry said.

"Have fun," Cisco said.

Barry bumped the fist he held out, then gave Caitlin a little salute. In a flash of light, he darted down the side of the building.

"Okay, that's both awesome and obnoxious," Cisco observed. "But he's got a point. Probably time for me to go too." He looked at Caitlin. "You gonna hang out here?"

"Yes," she said.

"It's just, you're not wearing a coat," he said.

"It's not that cold."

He eyed her. "I can see my breath and it's going to start raining again soon."

"I'll go inside in a minute," she said. "I just want to look at the city. Alone."

"Okay, fine," he said, and opened up a portal, stepping through and zipping it closed behind him.

"It's _so_ obnoxious how he does that," she muttered.

As promised, a fine misty chill rain started up. She leaned her elbows on the edge of the building, staring out at the lights.

She looked down at her folded hands, then pulled them apart slightly so they formed a little cup. She whispered, "I don't need this one little bit," as she watched the rain turn to snow in her palms.


	7. Chapter 7

Iris worked a double shift the next day, which she had promised to do before Christmas and her life turning upside-down. She came in to open and spent her lunch break making calls and checking her sources for the team-up story.

She went to the hospital during her dinner break. Eddie was still out, but a helpful nurse told her his brain waves indicated he would be awake soon.

Iris's conscience clamored, _And you'll have to do something about that, won't you?_

Iris told him thank you, and spent the rest of her break at Eddie's bedside (guilt? loyalty? tiredness? she honestly didn't know anymore) eating a candy bar from the vending machine and adding the information she'd gotten from sources to her story, before hitting post. Then she had to run back to Jitters for the last part of her shift.

And all day long, her brain scrambled with the worry about what she was going to do. Even with Joe on her side, she didn't see a great ending for herself.

But every time she told herself she was going to just suck it up and tell them the truth already, she would get a text from Nora, or a notification from Wally, or she would think of something Henry had said, and she felt the warmth of being part of a family again.

And . . . Barry.

She didn't know what to think about Barry, but whenever she did think of him, that happy balloon started to expand in her stomach again.

All told, by the time she had to start the closing duties, she felt like a limp noodle. She was yawning over the pastry case when the door jingled, and she shut her mouth with a snap. Couldn't let the customers see anything but a bright smile.

Her smile became about a thousand times more genuine when she saw who stood in the doorway, grinning back at her. "Barry!"

"Hi," he said. "I went to see Eddie and then saw you in here, so I thought I'd say hi, so -  hi."

"Hi," she echoed. "Uh - can I get you anything?"

His eyes danced with mischief. "Well, a little bird told me that you give your friends day-old pastries."

"Ohhhhhh," she drawled. "Your motives become clear. As it happens, I do, but only if they fix my car and scare off creeps."

He clutched his chest. "Straight to the heart," he said while she laughed. "Okay, I don't want to get you in trouble, so I'll legally purchase - hmmmm." He surveyed his choices. "A cookie, and a muffin, and a sandwich, and a banana for potassium."

He plucked them out himself, piling everything in his arms. She raised her brows at him as she rang everything up. "Did you miss lunch? For the past week?"

"I'm a growing boy," he said, unabashed. "Oh, and can I get the biggest possible cappuccino you've got? With a couple of shots of caramel. Please."

She added that onto his ticket, ran his card, and handed it back before getting his cappuccino started. He settled himself and his food into a booth, polishing off the banana before she set his drink down in front of him, along with an extra scone.

He looked up at her with a big smile. "Did I scare off a creep that I don't know about?"

"Probably, just by being here," she said, smiling back. She went back to cleaning out the pastry case, putting everything that was still good into the fridge and wiping everything down before moving onto the counters and the dishes.

They talked while she did it, nothing serious, just light and joking and companionable. The time flew, and with ten minutes yet until she could shut the doors, she set the dishwasher running.

She sat down across from him. "I've figured out your secret, Barry Allen. How you can eat like that and still not be five hundred pounds?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. You're a marathon runner."

He choked and spilled the remainder of his drink down his shirt. Luckily, he was almost done. "No," he coughed and spluttered. "No. Nope. No marathons. Ha-ha, marathon runner, that's good. I got D's in gym for twelve years, so - "

"It was a joke," she said.

"Oh," he said. "Well, I'm no athlete. Just my tall-skinny-guy metabolism at work."

"Sure, rub it in," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Your metabolism's doing fine," he said. "I mean, as far as I can see."

She couldn't resist smiling at that. "Charmer," she said softly.

He smiled.

A loud buzz broke the silence. They both jumped, and she said, ''Uh - dishwasher - "

"Right," he said, and she ran to empty it.

At two minutes til, she said regretfully, "I've got to lock the doors and then mop the floors and put the money in the safe and - "

He was studying something on his phone, his brows pulled together. At her words, he looked up, blinking a little. "Oh. Kicking me out?"

"Yep."

"Okay," he said, hopping up and busing his own dishes before she could. "See you." With a little wave, he disappeared out the back door. She blinked at it for a moment or two before shaking her head. It was ridiculous to feel hurt because he'd barely said goodbye.

But she finished up the last of closing duties more slowly, her tiredness creeping back up again. She locked the front door, rolled down the gate, clocked out, and then locked the back door behind her as she walked into the parking lot.

She hugged her coat around herself and headed for her car.

"Iris!"

She turned. He was jogging around the corner. "Sorry," he said breathlessly. "I had to - I needed - anyway, I wanted to wait for you. Make sure your car started and stuff."

She goggled at him for a moment, slowly realizing. That was why he hadn't said goodbye, because it wasn't goodbye.

She swallowed hard and said lightly, "Wow, you're really angling for more pastries, aren't you?"

She saw his mouth crook up. "Well, that was a great scone."

She laughed. "Thank you. Really. I appreciate it. Where's your car, though?"

"Mmmm - "

"You walked again," she guessed.

He shrugged. "I like walking."

"Hop in," she said, unlocking her car. "I'll give you a ride to wherever you left it this time."

He looked at it doubtfully.

"You survived it yesterday," she pointed out. "And I'll seriously pepper spray you if you make a woman-driver crack."

"It's not your driving, it's the car," he said, but got in when she unlocked the passenger door. "We did make it all the way to your place yesterday, so I feel like that kind of brings down my chances of another successful journey."

"Why does everybody malign my car?" she asked, and then had to twist the key three times as the engine coughed and spluttered and refused to turn over.

Barry slouched in the passenger seat, grinning. "Should I get out and push?"

She cut her eyes at him. "No, thank you, and before you make any more Millennium Falcon jokes, she always got them out of trouble in the end." She slapped the dashboard. "Come on, I don't need this."

He listened to the engine. "That doesn't sound good."

"Nope." She climbed out again and popped the hood, angling the light from her phone into the engine. She could do some basic trouble-shooting, but none of her go-tos seemed to be the problem.

He hovered over her shoulder, and she turned her head, catching her breath at how close they were. They could almost kiss.

(Where had _that_ thought come from?)

She stumbled over her words. "You, um, you want to take a look?"

"Sure, I guess." He peered in. "Yep. It's an engine, all right."

"What?"

"Sexist much? I don't know cars. You turn the key and it goes vroom, that's about it for what I know."

She gasped, then laughed. "Okay," she said. "I deserved that." She let the hood fall with a crash. "Bus for me, then."

His face crumpled up. "I hope you don't mean the bus that went by when you were checking the engine."

She looked up from locking the doors - although she didn't know why she bothered. Any thief that could actually get her car moving was welcome to it. "Tell me you're kidding."

He pointed, and she looked just in time to see the bus's tail lights disappear around the far corner.

She let out her breath in a whoosh that smoked the air. "That's the last bus. They don't start up again until four in the morning."

"You want me to call somebody? Uncle Henry? Aunt Nora? Joe?"

Tempting. So, so tempting. But she couldn't allow herself to depend on this family. She wasn't going to get to keep them. She squared her shoulders and gave him a bright smile. "No, it's fine, I'll walk. It's not so far. I've done it before."

"Maybe I should go with you."

"To protect me? I've got pepper spray, remember? I'll be fine."

"Great," Barry said. "Because between you and me, I'm kind of scared of walking through Central City on my own. I don't know if you've noticed, but this is a weird town these days."

Laughter bubbled up from her stomach. "Come on then," she said, and he fell into step beside her.

* * *

With such long legs, she should have been trotting to keep up, but he kept pace with her as if they'd been doing it for years. They talked the whole way, continuing their rambling conversation from Jitters. "I bet you have a million crazy kid stories," she said, hopping up and down to keep warm at a stoplight.

"Actually, I don't! I was a good kid."

"Oh, I bet you were."

"Sarcasm, nice."

"No, I mean it!" she cried, laughing. "I can see it right now - you never drank, you never smoked, your grades were fantastic, you never snuck your girlfriend into your room - "

He nodded along. "All true. The closest to a rebellion I ever got was - " He laughed self-consciously. "Well. Deciding to get a forensic science degree so I could be a CSI."

"Really? Did your aunt and uncle think you should do something more prestigious?"

"Not exactly. I mean, they suggested other things, but it wasn't really about prestige. It was - Okay. Did Eddie ever tell you about my - " he swallowed. "About my parents?"

She put her hand on his arm. "I know they died. In a home invasion. I'm so sorry."

His shoulders relaxed. "Yeah," he said. "It was rough. And because of that, my aunt and uncle never really wanted us to do anything violent or risky. I guess they were a little overprotective. We weren't allowed to see violent movies or play gory video games, and Joe could never talk about stuff from work. Eddie always wanted to box and play football and stuff, but he couldn't. He wasn't real happy about that, in high school."

"What about you?"

"I always figured it was the least I could do for them, after everything they've done for me. Plus, you know, I'm not exactly the fighting type. I'm way better at running away." He grinned crookedly.

"So - CSI - " she prompted.

"Oh, yeah. Well, it's not really like being a regular cop. I'm licensed to carry a gun, but I don't. We usually turn up after all the action is done. But at the same time, we're messing around with blood spatter and crime scenes and murders and - I mean, they still don't like it a whole lot, but I guess to them, at least I'm not fighting anybody." The smile fell off his face. "They're really having an awful time with Eddie in the hospital, you know," he said. "Especially since we haven't talked in so long. You always think there's enough time, and then - " He shrugged. "Well. He'll wake up soon. We'll - we'll fix it."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

He gave her a funny look, and she thought, _oh right, I'm engaged to Eddie; I should know all about it._ She said quickly, "I mean, your perspective."

"I guess I could do that," he said, nodding a little. "What has Eddie told you about when he dropped out of law school?"

 _Law school?_ "Not much," she said.

"Well, we thought maybe it had been too much - the pressure and the pace and everything, you know. But he said that wasn't it. He didn't want to be a lawyer. He wanted to be a cop. He always had. I never knew that. Nobody did."

She turned that information over in her head, easily picturing the situation. Eddie trying to make his parents happy, but wanting something else, and finally making his choice. "Do you think maybe he wanted to be a cop at least in part because of you? Because of what happened?"

He looked at her as if the thought had never crossed his mind. "I don't know. I - " He blinked. "Maybe?"

"I mean, nobody does anything for just one reason, but I can't help but think, maybe that was one of them."

"Maybe," he said again, softer, slower. "Anyway, what really led to that break was - okay, he'd gotten into the academy and everything, and my aunt and uncle still thought he was going to change his mind. He asked me to back him up and help convince his parents that this was what he should do. I'd just started with the CCPD and he probably thought I'd be on his side, but - "

"You told him no," she said. It came out in a sigh.

"I'm not proud. But I told him he should listen to his parents. Quit the academy and go back to law school."

"And now you don't talk anymore."

"It wasn't like, a dramatic screaming match and slammed doors and things. But he just stopped picking up the phone when we called, and he stopped coming for Sunday dinner, and before we knew it, it had been months since we'd seen him."

"Would you give him the same advice now?"

He shook his head. "No."

"What changed your mind?"

He looked away. "Lately I realized that if anyone can make the world a better place, well, then they should. So if Eddie feels like being a cop is how he's going to make the world better, then I support that."

"You're a good cousin," she said.

"I would have been if I'd said that back when he first wanted me to."

"You still are." She smiled up at him. "You'll tell him that when he wakes up."

He smiled back. There was a little tremble in his mouth. He let out his breath with a _huh!_ "Okay, wow, this is getting a little - Let's change the subject. Tell me something secret," he said. "Something you've never told anybody face-to-face."

She thought about that. There were a hundred silly little things she could say, but when she opened her mouth, what popped out was - "I have a blog."

"Yeah? About what? Coffee reviews - brownie recipes - "

"Superheroes," she whispered. The word streamed out of her mouth in a gush of steam, dissipating into the air.

"Heroes of Central City," he said. "That's you? You write that?"

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, goggling. "You read it?"

She knew from her site stats and her Twitter followers that people did. But those were Internet people, nobody she'd ever met face-to-face. While she knew they were real in a theoretical sense, none of them ever seemed as real as the man standing in front of her, his face lit up with excitement.

"Yeah! Oh my god. I never miss it. I have an alert on my phone. The story you just put up - you did all that today? While you were working?"

"Honestly, I wrote a lot of it last night. I was just waiting on details and confirmations before I posted it." She gave a little one-shouldered shrug - _no big deal._

He wasn't having it. "That was such a good story! You're an amazing writer. Why aren't you working somewhere awesome?"

She ducked her head. "You're saying Jitters isn't awesome?"

"Come on, you know what I mean. The Daily Planet, or CCPN, or - somewhere."

She ducked her head under the guise of fussing with the button on her coat. "It's actually really hard to get a job in journalism these days, especially without a degree. Before my dad died, I was doing some freelance work, but ever since then - I don't know. I just don't have the energy."

"You put a lot of work into that blog," he said. "I can see it in your research and your writing. You could go back to school - "

"I guess I could. I've been telling myself I should. Honestly, all I've got left to graduate is an internship, but most of those are unpaid and I need all the hours I can get at Jitters." She made a face. "Catch-22, right? I can't afford to get a better job."

"But you are doing the blog."

"Yeah, that's - I couldn't _not_ write about the Flash and Vibe, and the people they fight. I mean, I think everybody in Central City's at least a little in love with our resident heroes. It's just amazing what they're doing. Like you said, they're trying to make the world better. It's actually helped me a lot."

He had a shy little smile on his face that he tried to hide. "You mean because you got saved by the Flash?"

"Even before that. Just hearing the rumors, and then when I really buckled down and started writing the blog, hearing more. And it's given me something to do. A purpose."

"Wow," he said. "That's really cool."

Oh, she was going to spontaneously combust out of embarrassment. To forestall that, she said playfully, "Now it's your turn."

"Mine?"

"For a secret."

He took a step back. "I don't have any secrets."

"Really? Because something makes me think you do."

"I -"

She regretted her teasing words. What if he was gay and closeted? (She ignored the lurch in her stomach at that thought.) What if he was in massive debt? What if he owed the mob money and they were going to start breaking all his fingers unless he ran constant errands for them?

"I won't make you tell me, but will you at least confirm or deny that you are keeping a secret?"

He worried his bottom lip with his teeth for a moment. "Okay," he said finally. "Uh. Yeah. I - I do. I have a secret."

"Is it illegal?"

"No."

"Are you ashamed?"

His eyes widened. " _No!_ "

"Why haven't you told anyone, then?"

"I actually did tell someone, just recently, but he's - he was sort of involved already. But you mean my family, right? Why haven't I told my family?"

She nodded silently.

He toyed with the hem of his jacket. "It would upset them," he said finally. "And things have been so rough lately that I don't want to do anything that would upset them. It's okay. I'll tell them when things are better."

She wondered when that would be.

They turned the corner to her street and she blinked. The walk had flown by. She didn't even feel tired. "Well, this is me," she said. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Thanks for protecting me."

She smiled up at him. "Will you make it to your car okay?"

"If I run fast." He grinned.

She went up the stairs slowly, knowing he was waiting until she'd gotten inside before he left.

She locked the door behind her and went straight to the window. But he was already gone, and she swallowed down her disappointment. She sank down onto the couch, propping her chin on the back and said softly, "I might be in trouble here."

* * *

The next morning, when Iris saw Caitlin pick up her chai latte and settle herself in a booth, she took her break. She made a beeline for the doctor's table, plopping into the bench across from her. "I have a problem."

"Yes, you do," Caitlin said, not looking up from her graphs. "You haven't come clean to the Thawnes yet - "

"More than that. I like Barry."

At that, she did look up. "Who's Barry again?"

"Eddie's cousin. I really like him. Barry. I mean."

"Iris, honestly, I have other concerns at the moment - "

"No, no no," she said. "You're one of two outside people who know the whole situation, and the other one hasn't answered me yet. You have to help me figure out what to do here."

"You know what I'm going to say to you."

"If I tell Barry the truth, he'll never speak to me again." The thought made her sick to her stomach. "And his parents, and Wally and Joe - "

"This lie is not going to last," Caitlin said. "You knew that."

"I - I know but - "

The other woman shook her head. "Pull the plug."

Iris narrowed her eyes. "You're sick, you know that?"

" _I'm_ sick?" Caitlin went back to her graphs. "You're cheating on a vegetable."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to hedgi for serving as my D&D fact checker.

It was a dead time of the afternoon. Barry was on his coffee break, which was just enough time to zip from the precinct to the hospital. 

"Hey, man," he said, flopping into the seat next to Eddie's bed, chatting away as if his cousin were awake and smiling back at him. "Guess what? I found something when I was moving some stuff out of my room." He fished a few sheets of crumpled paper and two lumpy cloth bags. 

"Remember this? D&D club from high school? I begged the librarian to let me start it up and in the beginning it was really just you and me. I was Wizard Tholomew and you were Paladin Edward." He surveyed the sheets. "Boy, we were not overburdened with imagination, were we?" He laughed to himself. 

"Did I ever thank you for doing that? I don't think I did. I know there were probably a lot of things you would have rather been doing, but you came to that for three months, so it wouldn't be just me sitting in the public library with my dice. You didn't drop out until we had regulars, even though it meant you gave up your Saturday afternoons for the whole fall."

Thoughtfully, he undid one of the dice bags and shook them out into the palm of his hand, rattling the red-and-gold dice together. "You were always like that, though. You were always the kindest, most supportive - I mean, it couldn't have been easy, getting a little sort-of brother at the age of twelve, not to mention one with so much baggage. But you never once made me feel like you didn't want me around. And I was so freaking proud you were my cousin. I was never envious of anything you had or were."

He let out his breath in a long sigh.

"Until now." 

_ Iris. _

Iris with her smile, with her big glowing eyes, with her quick, clever mind, with her way of seeing things he'd missed. 

Iris, who was engaged to Eddie.

He leaned forward and picked up the second bag, shaking out Eddie's blue-and-gold dice. "So here's what's gonna happen. Paladin Edward and Wizard Tholomew are going to roll for charisma. Winner gets the hand of the fair and wise Lady Iris."

He double-checked the character sheets. Well, Paladin Edward had always had higher natural charisma than Wizard Tholomew, but not that much higher. He had a chance at this.

He threw Eddie's D20.

He threw his own D20.

He stared at the numbers and sighed. Apparently, even the dice thought Eddie deserved Iris.

"We can go again, if you want," he said.

* * *

Nora answered the door and pulled Iris into a hug. "What are you doing knocking, sweetheart? Come on in!"

"Hi," Iris said, hugging her back and trying to balance the plate of brownies at the same time. "Hey. Anything I can do to help?"

"Set the table?"

"Sure!"

Barry was already laying out plates when she walked into the dining room. Iris checked on the threshold. Was it her imagination, or did Barry pause, too?

"Hey!" he said.

"Hi," she said, smiling at him, because even as self-conscious as she felt, something about Barry just made her smile. "I'm supposed to help you set the table . . . so what should I put out?"

"Okay!" he said brightly. "Um - silverware?"

"Not sure where that is."

"I'll get it," he said, handing her the plates. 

She laid them out around the table, coaching herself to act normal, act normal, act normal. Whatever that meant. 

Barry came back with the silverware, and luckily Wally followed him with an armload of glasses, because he could be a buffer in all the awkwardness. She asked him about the new semester coming up, and he started telling her all about the classes he was taking, the profs he'd gotten, which of his friends from the program would also be in the same classes. The conversation continued all the way through the arrival of the food, and Nora and Henry and Joe, filling the room with voices and laughter.

Iris made sure to sit on the other side of the table from Barry, but it might have been a mistake, because every time she looked up she seemed to catch his eye.

The dinner was just as warm and boisterous as their Christmas dinner. Nora told a story about her office nemesis, the copy machine - "You watch, April tenth, it'll break down. Five days to zero hour, while we're up to our ears in W-2s and last-minute walk-ins, it'll do something like explode and then it'll _laugh."_  


"How's it going to laugh if it explodes, Aunt Nora?" Barry asked, grinning.

"It will _find a way_ ," she said darkly.

"Just don't take a hammer to it until May first, at least, sweetheart," Henry said.

Then Wally waxed rhapsodic about a cute girl from one of his fall classes for about ten minutes.

"Okay, okay, enough," Joe laughed. "We know all about Jesse now."

"Well," Wally said. "Eddie's engaged, I gotta catch up."

"Nuh- _ uh _ ," Joe said in horror, "don't even say that as a joke."

"Besides," Henry added, "if anyone needs to catch up it's Barry."

"What?" Barry said, looking up. "I heard my name. What?"

"We're saying, honey," Nora said. "It's about time you started dating again. You haven't had a girlfriend for months." 

"Uh - I -"

Laughing, Nora turned to Iris. "Could you find me a nice girl for Barry?"

Caught off guard, Iris managed to stutter, "I - well - I don't know his type."

"What about that ER doctor? The one who admitted Eddie?"

"Caitlin?"

Barry choked. "Caitlin?"

"You've met her?"

"Caitlin Snow? Kind of reddish hair? Terrifying?"

Clearly they had met. Iris tried to hide her laugh in her water glass. "I don't know about that."

"She seems really nice," Nora persisted.

_ "Nice?" _ Barry muttered into his plate. "She would eat me for breakfast."

"And pick her teeth with your bones," Iris muttered back, and they both snorted.

"What?"

"I like a ferocious woman," Henry said thoughtfully. "The first time I hit on Nora, she dumped her Cherry Coke in my lap."

"Well, you deserved it, using that pickup line," she sniffed, but smiled when he leaned over to kiss her.

"Counting Iris with the syrup, we would have ferocious women all around," Nora said.

Iris felt like it was time to be reasonable. "Actually, Nora, Caitlin's fiance died suddenly a few months ago, so I don't think  she's really in a place to be dating anyone right now."

"How awful! Of course, I won't say anything. What happened? If it's all right to say."

"No, it's fine. He was in that lab that burned down, the night of the really bad lightning storm."

"Wait, really?' Barry looked stricken. "I never knew that. Is that why she's - ?"

"Probably partly." Belatedly, Iris felt guilty too - but just because Caitlin had suffered, she didn't get a free pass to be the way she was.

"That was a bad storm," Henry said. "We had cases come in from all over the city."

"That was the night Barry was struck by lightning," Joe said. "Did Eddie ever mention that? It would have been right before you two started seeing each other."

"Uh - " Iris said. "I - I think I remember something about it. Lightning,  _ wow,"  _ she said, turning to Barry. "Are you okay? Any after effects?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Barry told her. "I don't even zap people anymore. So, uh, New Year's Eve, guys? Wally? Any big plans?"

The conversation shifted to talk of the holiday, then to Eddie, of how good he'd looked, of what the doctors had said about his brain waves. "Soon!" Henry assured them all, and Iris caught Joe's eye across the table. 

He gave her a reassuring smile, and she thought,  _ Soon I'll need to be honest with them -  _ and the scalloped potatoes felt like lead in her stomach.

They had dessert, Iris's brownies, which were exclaimed over and devoured. Nora started begging her for the recipe.

"I couldn't possibly. They're my mom's special recipe," she told them. "Deep dark Robinson secret."

"Oh, but sweetheart, we're  _ family _ ," Nora said outrageously, widening her eyes, and Iris laughed and shook her head, thinking,  _ Not really.  _ It hurt like stones in her chest.

The evening passed by in a blur of warmth and laughter, until Iris checked the time and saw how late it was. "I'm opening tomorrow," she said apologetically, "so I'd better - "

"Of course, yes," Nora said, and there was a flurry of goodbyes and last-things-I-have-to-tell-yous.

"Barry, go out there with her and make sure her car starts," Henry said. 

Cisco had fixed Iris's car after its most recent breakdown but the story had gotten a lot of concern, including an offer from Henry to help her with paying for another one. Horrified, Iris had turned that down so hastily that she was worried it had been rude, but they'd all accepted it. 

Barry accompanied Iris to the front door and pulled it open for her. 

"Hey!" Wally said happily, pointing over their heads. 

They both looked up. A little bunch of greenery with a cluster of white berries hung from the doorframe. 

Mistletoe.

Nora laughed.  _ "Henry," _ she said. "I told you to take that down."

"Why?" he wanted to know. "I get to kiss you whenever we walk through that door."

Wally wasn't paying attention. "Kiss each other, come on, or you'll have bad luck," he said to Barry and Iris, bright-eyed. "You don't want bad luck, do you?"

"No, sure don't, not with that car," Barry said.

Without thinking, Iris said, "Hey!" and swatted him. Everyone laughed.

"Go on, kiss her, or you'll never get Wally to shut up," Joe said, hooking an arm around his son's neck. 

Iris looked up at Barry, and they both must have had the same thought, because he bent down and pressed his lips to her cheek, just as her lips touched his cheek. It should have been the most platonic kiss in the history of kisses, but an electric shock jolted through her body.

When Barry jumped back, she realized that he'd felt it too. Static electricity or - something.

"Whoa!" Joe said. "What was that?"

"Wow," Barry said. "Guess I'm not done zapping people."

She tried to catch her breath. "Guess not."

* * *

Iris spent a lot of the next day on autopilot, her brain chasing itself around and around, thinking about the Thawnes and Barry and the Wests and Eddie and - ugh.  


Sometime after the midpoint of her shift, she managed to yank it to a different track, which was was trying to decide if she should write about the random cold and ice spots that had appeared around town. But somehow she felt it would be too ridiculous to post a story that was basically,  _ City Gets Cold in Winter, Meta to Blame???? _

At the tail end of a rush, she was on register. " Welcome-to-Jitters-what-can-I-get-started-for-you?"

"So, I'll have a tall half-caf soy latte with three pumps of caramel and exactly one and a half pumps of vanilla and  _ extra _ foam at a hundred and twenty-four degrees exactly. With rainbow sprinkles."

She actually started to key in the nightmare order when the voice registered. She looked up and laughed. "Wally? Really? Is that what you what?"

He grinned back at her. "Would I do you that way?"

"I don't know, you did make me get zapped."

"Okay, but for real. Can I get two grande hot chocolates?"

"Sure thing. Whip? Sprinkles?"

"Absolutely. Load me up."

"You're gonna get soooo sugar buzzed," she teased him.

"I'm meeting someone! They're not both for me."

"Ohhhh, would it be the famous Jesse? Because I can find Valentine's Day heart-shaped sprinkles and put those in her drink if you want."

Wally gave her the time-honored  _ OMG shut up shut up _ look, and she had to muffle her snort. 

"Who's your friend, Iris?" Lana asked, smiling brightly at Wally. Iris noticed that he smiled back, Jesse or no Jesse. Wally was kind of a flirt. 

"It - um?" Oh. Oh shit. "He's - I know him from - "

"Family friend of Eddie's," Wally said, while she contemplated stuffing a cake pop in his mouth.

"Eddie?"

"You know, her fiance?"

Lana squealed, making the whole damn coffee shop look around. "Iriiiiiiis! Since when are you  _ engaged _ ? When did this happen?"

Wally's brows drew together, but at the same moment, his phone chimed with a text. As he read it it and as Iris hurriedly threw his drinks together (extra whip, lots of sprinkles), Lana kept firing questions at her like a Gatling gun of annoying. 

"Where's the ring? How did he propose? Who even are you dating? Iris! Iris, are you  pregnant?"

"Lana!" Iris checked on Wally, but he was still absorbed in his phone.

"Omigod, you  are !" Lana squealed. 

"No I'm  _ not _ ," Iris said in an undertone. "Come on, Lana, not everything is a soap opera."

"But when did this happen?"

"Just recently. It's a little - we're really not telling people yet." She popped the lids on the hot chocolates and gave Wally a bright smile. "Okay, extra whip, just for you."

"Thanks!" he said, taking them both in one hand, keeping his phone in the other. "See you!"

Had he given her a funny look as he said it?

No, Iris decided. No, of course he hadn't.

* * *

Barry's phone buzzed, then again, and a third time. When he finally got his gloves off and managed to pick it up, he found a mass text from Wally, to the whole family. 

_ Guess who's not gonna be the baby around here anymore! Iris is PREGNANT but don't say anything to her because I kind of overheard _

He dropped his phone.

* * *

Barry spent the entire afternoon telling himself not to say anything, not to immediately text her and ask if it was true, not to go and see her and find out if she looked pregnant. He focused so hard on his work that he forgot to pay attention to his speed and got through a week's worth of backlog by five o'clock. Fortunately, his boss thought he was trying to clear his desk for the New Year, or something, and let him go.

He patrolled for a while, trying not to think  _ Iris Iris pregnant Iris Eddie's baby Iris _ and pretty much failing. Finally, he gave in and zipped home to change before running to her apartment.

Not to, like, accuse her of anything. What was there to accuse? If she was pregnant, she had to be happy about it, right? She was marrying Eddie, who wouldn't want to have a baby with the love of their life?

(A voice that sounded an awful lot like his aunt's scolded him that lots of women didn't want to have babies, even with the love of their life, ad maybe that was why Iris hadn't said anything yet.)

He found her just walking out of the complex. "Hey!"

"Hi," she said. "Just in the neighborhood?"

"Sort of?" he said, feeling a rather strained grin paste itself on his face.

Did she look pregnant? Like, glowing, or whatever pregnant women were supposed to be? No, she just looked quizzical. "Are you okay?" she asked him.  


"Yeah, fine, sure - where you going? Did your car break down again?"

"No," she said. "My car's fine. One of my co-workers is giving a New Year's party and she lives two complexes over, so it's just easier to walk instead of trying to find parking."

"I'll go with you," he said.

She eyed him. "Yeah. Sure. The more the merrier, I guess. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine! I'm fine. You? Are you feeling all right?"

"Yyyyyyesss," she said slowly. "I'm dandy, all things considered."

"Right," he said awkwardly. "Right."

It really was less than ten minutes' walk away, and soon they were walking up to an apartment that practically vibrated with noise. Barry hoped he wouldn't see any of the guys from the precinct coming over here to bust them on a noise complaint.

A girl that he remembered seeing from Jitters opened the door. "Iris!" she squealed. "Hi! You made it! Omigod, and you brought Eddie!"

"I - What?"

Iris shouted something in the girl's ear, and she gave him a very strange look before shrugging and waving him into the hot, crowded apartment. He lost Iris almost right away, and he didn't find her for about fifteen minutes, pouring herself a drink out of a shiny bottle.

"Hey," he said. "Hey, that's vodka." He had to yell over the music.

"Sure is," she said, taking a deep slurp. 

"You shouldn't be drinking that."

"Why not?"

Just as the song came to an end, he shouted, "It's not good for the baby!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god, that happened in the movie.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember when I was all like, "I'll update twice a week until it's done!"?
> 
> AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
> 
> But we're getting there, I promise.

Barry caught up with her when she was almost back to her apartment. "I just texted the whole family," he said in a muffled voice. "I told them it was a misunderstanding, and you weren't pregnant."

"Thanks," she said coldly.

That was an experience she didn't want to repeat; pretty much everyone she worked with and everyone they knew staring at her open-mouthed, and then trying to explain (loudly, over the music, until somebody shut it off) that  _ no _ , she wasn't pregnant, she'd never  _ been _ pregnant. After that, the party had kind of lost its luster for her, and she wasn't exactly delighted with Barry either. 

"Why did you even think that in the first place?" she asked him.

"Wally said he overhead - "

"What he overheard was my idiot co-worker jumping to conclusions. He must have missed me setting her straight. What was he thinking?"

"He was excited. And before you burn his ears back, my aunt and Joe both already told Wally off for letting the cat out of the bag before you did."

"There's no cat, there's no bag, and even if I were pregnant it would be my business until I - "

"Whoa, okay, I'm on your side here!"

"You just announced to most of the people that I work with that I was pregnant. How is that being on my side?"

"Yeah, that - I screwed up there, but I'm  _ trying _ to be on your side here."

She looked away and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Barry. Why did you believe him without even asking me?"

"It made sense."

"How? Sense in what way?"

"Well, I - you said yourself it's only been since August that you and Eddie were dating, and - and you're awesome, but that's still - "

"So the only reason Eddie would have proposed to me is if I were pregnant?"

He hesitated just a little too long, and she nodded. "Right," she whispered. "Right, okay."

"I didn't mean  _ ever _ ," he said. "It's just that - well, I mean who proposes to someone they've only been dating for a few months?"

"Would you?" she fired back.

He swallowed hard and didn't answer.

She started to climb the stairs to her apartment.

"Iris," he said.

She whipped around. "What?  _ What? _ What do you want from me, Barry?" Her throat clogged with tears.  _ Why are you so confusing? Why do I like you so much? Eddie's the one I've been pining after for months, but now you're standing here in front of me and I. Don't. Know. What. You. Want. _

He opened and shut his mouth a few times before finally saying, "I want you not to be unhappy."

"Really? Really. You're saying that to me?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, are  _ you _ happy, Barry? Because all I can see is you trying to be the perfect son so your aunt and uncle won't regret taking you in, and in the meantime keeping all your  _ dark secrets _ \- " She waved her hand in the air. "- and not being honest with the people who are most important to you, and somehow I don't think that's going to work for anyone."

His face twisted. "Hey! Spending a week with my family doesn't make you an expert."

"Spending a lifetime with them hasn't made you one either."

He climbed the first step, his face turned up to hers. "Yeah, well, you're standing there talking about being honest, what about you?"

Her hand clenched on the railing. "What about me?"

He pointed at her. "You're doing something great, something  _ amazing _ , and you act like it's a shameful secret."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Her giant lie could never be called great, much less amazing.

"Your blog! Why am I the only person in your real life you've ever told about your blog? You're the only one writing about the heroes of Central City, and you're doing it incredibly well, but you're acting like it's a stupid little hobby or something. Does Eddie even know?"

She bit her lip.

"He doesn't, does he?"

"My blog is my business," she said in a shaking voice, "and who I tell and what I say is also my business, and - "

"Uh, guys?"

She looked over. Cisco stood in his doorway, light spilling out onto his porch. "I hate to break into this," he said. "Believe me, I really do. But. Um. I kind of need Barry right now. For a minute."

"Wha - me?"

"Yeah. A moment, dude? And then you can return to your regularly scheduled, um, yelling at each other in the dark."

Barry looked at Iris, who shook her head. "Go," she said. "I think we're done talking."

His face fell, but she marched up her stairs and didn't look back.

* * *

She'd barely gotten into her apartment when her anger broke apart like cotton candy.

_ Iris Ann West, hypocrite much?  _ Yelling at him about dishonesty when she'd been lying to him from the moment they'd met? He'd been wrong, and he'd humiliated her in front of her friends, but he'd apologized, and made it as right as he could. Who was she to be shouting at him?

And much as she hated it, he had a point about her blog. She was proud of the work she put into it, how much care she put into verifying stories, even if it meant she spent her entire lunch break talking to a cop or a store owner. She was proud of the stories she got, how often they got shared, how many people paid attention to it. Why was she hiding?

She fumbled for her door and yanked it open, leaning over the railing, prepared to shout out to him - an apology, a summons to come upstairs, she didn't even know.

Barry and Cisco were already gone.

She frowned, then went down the stairs far enough to see Cisco's front windows. They were dark, and when she knocked, nobody answered.

"Huh," she breathed.

At that moment, her phone buzzed with an alert from Twitter. 

Just as she was about to check it, her phone rang - actually rang, with a phone call. It was Nora. She braced herself for another round of embarrassment regarding the baby that had never existed except as a bad joke. "Hello?"

"Iris!" Nora cried. "He's waking up!"

Iris went rigid all over.

Eddie. 

Eddie was awake.

Eddie was awake and her time was up.

* * *

It turned out that someone waking up from a week-long coma, even someone with strong brain waves and healthy vitals, needed a lot of checking over from doctors and a fair amount of time before anyone was allowed to see him, even his family and his fake fiancee.

Iris spent most of the night curled in a chair in the waiting room. She split her time between staring at a television breathlessly reporting on something dramatic happening down at the waterfront, and watching the Thawnes, trying to find the right words. 

_ I'm a fake.  _

_ I've been lying to you. _

_ I'm not who you think I am. _

She wished Joe were here. Just one person who felt like they were on her side. Wally had come in and said, "Dad drew the short straw, he's on duty tonight. He says to keep him updated."

Barry hadn't arrived either. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, after the fight they'd had earlier, after what she'd realized in her car on the way to the hospital. 

Her phone buzzed and buzzed and buzzed with Twitter alerts about the Flash and Vibe until she shut it down.

The only time she managed to speak was when Nora said, "God,  _ where _ is Barry? Of all times for him to not answer his phone - "

Iris said, "I saw him, um, earlier tonight. He said his phone was dying."

"I'm getting him a power pack," Henry grumbled. "He never charges that thing lately."

With the silence broken, she gathered up her words. "I - I have something to tell you all."

Nora turned toward her quickly. "Oh, honey, Barry texted us. We know you were never pregnant." She threw Wally a look. "Someone jumped the gun and has something to say."

Wally shrunk down into his chair. "Okay, but it sure  _ sounded _ \- " He cleared his throat. "I'm really sorry, Iris, and I know I should have at least asked you if it was okay before I said anything."

That stupid mix-up felt like it had happened centuries ago. Iris blinked a few times and managed to say, "It's fine, Wally. Just don't do it again. But, actually - I - "

The door swished open and Barry came in, looking windblown and wired up. "I got your texts, I'm sorry, my phone - is he awake? What's happening?"

The words died on her tongue, crumbling to ash. If she was afraid of the way that the Thawnes and Wally would look at her when they found out the truth, she was downright terrified of seeing how Barry's face would change.

In the middle of Henry updating Barry, a doctor came in. "All right, you can come for a few minutes. He's lucid and alert, but already very tired, so not long."

Iris found herself towed along a hallway, surrounded by Eddie's family, and she went with a sense of doom, like being carried in a riptide far out to sea. Whether she said anything or not, it would all be over soon.

Eddie was propped up in bed, his head drooping back against his pillows. The beeps and hisses of the machines sounded subtly different now that he was awake.

"Honey," Nora said softly. "Eddie. Sweetie. We're here."

He blinked his eyes open. Iris had always felt her heart lurch when she met his eyes, their color and the smiling crinkles around them.  _ So sexy,  _ she'd swooned to herself. 

But now it felt different. They were still beautiful eyes, but she didn't feel the urge to melt.

Maybe it was the badly-fitting hospital gown. That would do a number on anyone's sexiness factor. Or maybe it was the fear swimming in her stomach, threatening to boil up her throat.

"Mom," he said. His always-deep voice was even rougher than usual. Of course, he hadn't used it in a week. 

"Hi, baby," she said, her eyes shining.

His eyes moved around the circle of faces surrounding his bed. "Dad, Wally, Bear - " 

They stopped and fastened onto her.

Iris held her breath, waiting for the world to fall in.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Son," Henry said. "Why wouldn't your fiancee be here?"

Eddie blinked once, slowly. "My what?"

"Holy shit," Wally said. "Uncle Henry, does he have amnesia?"

* * *

"He remembers his name," the doctor on duty said. "His job, his address, his birthday - so it's not amnesia like you see in the movies. But it is a form of partial amnesia, called lacunar amnesia, restricted to specific events."

"But a whole  _ person? _ And someone so important to him?"

"The brain is a funny thing. And some amount of confusion after coming out of a coma is perfectly normal."

"When it is going to clear up?"

"He could remember in an hour or he could never remember. He was already scheduled for a number of tests tomorrow, Mrs. Thawne. We'll find out if there's some kind of physical damage, or he just needs time to get everything sorted out again."

Iris watched the doctor go. She turned back to Eddie's family and opened her mouth. 

To her own astonishment, she burst into tears.

Nora's arms came around her. "Oh, sweetheart! It'll be okay. He loves you, he'll remember that, I promise - "

"I  -"

"Shhh, it's okay - "

She kept crying, and now she was sobbing, hyperventilating so hard she was dizzy. She felt divided in two. One of her was falling apart, with everybody crowded around her murmuring. One of her was standing a little outside of her body, staring at the spectacle and wondering why she wasn't pulling herself the hell together.

Another voice intruded. "Guys - Nora - give her some air, okay? Some air, some space - " 

When she came to herself again, hiccuping into silence, the others had drawn back, and Joe was sitting next to her. His hands were on his knees, his fingers spread out, and she stared at them, feeling a last stray tear drop off her chin.

For some reason, the only thing she could think was,  _ I miss my dad so much. _

"Better?" Joe asked.

"Yes," she said. She pushed herself to her feet. "I'm," she said to no one. "I'm going to wash my face."

The cold water cleared her head, and when Nora came in, she looked up. "I'm sorry," she said immediately. "I - I made a scene."

"If there was ever any time to make a scene," Nora said. Iris had never thought she was a young woman, but in the harsh fluorescent lights of the bathroom, with all her makeup worn off, Nora Thawne looked every moment of her age. She smiled faintly and touched Iris's face. "Sweetheart, I understand, believe me. It's been a hard night. A hard week. Go home and get some rest."

"But - I - "

Nora kissed her cheek and gave her a brief, quick hug. "It'll look better then. I promise. We're going now too. Henry went out to bring the car around. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yes," Iris said, and watched her leave. She followed, and found Joe standing in the hallway. 

"Joe," she said softly, and he looked up.

"Joe, did they tell you?"

"Wally filled me in."

"I need to -"

"I know," he said. "But it can wait. How long have you been awake, baby?" he asked her.

She had to think about it. "I opened," she said. "This morning. Um. Yesterday morning."

"So, twenty-four hours, give or take," he said.

She nodded. Her head felt like it was going to tip off her shoulders. 

"I'm not surprised. You've had a hell of a day. Everyone has. Go home, baby. Get some sleep. Bear," he said over his shoulder. "You going soon?"

"Yeah," Barry said. "Uh - "

Joe squeezed her shoulder. "Go with Barry. He'll get you to your car safe."

* * *

She was the kind of tired that came with its own atmosphere, walking through a haze of exhaustion through the corridors and out to the parking garage behind the hospital. Her car was in the ground level lot, slowly getting surrounded by other cars.

It was almost six in the morning, she realized. Hours of waiting, and talking to doctors and talking amongst themselves, and then her spectacular meltdown, had eaten up the wee hours.

"Oh," she said faintly, realizing something else. "We're open."

"We - whuh?"

"Jitters," Iris said. "Just opened."

"Don't tell me you have to work," Barry said, slurring his words a little. 

"No, I actually got today off. Gina's doing it. But I think I need caffeine if I have any hope of getting home and not ending up in a fatal car crash."

"Yeah, how about not do that. We don't need someone else in the family landing in the hospital." 

Iris didn't answer.

The cold air lent her some false energy, and Barry looked brighter-eyed, standing a little straighter. But they were quiet on the short walk over to Jitters. She wondered what he was thinking about, and was too tired to ask.

Too tired, or too afraid.

Gina was behind the counter, and at the sound of the jingle, she looked over, brows raised. "Don't tell me you're here to work, because you're not on the schedule. Plus, you look like you were up all night."

"I was, and I'm not," Iris said. "Two Flashes, please?" Barry made a weird hiccuping noise and she said over her shoulder, "It's fine, it's got espresso. Do you want a double shot?"

"Yeah. Yes. Please?"

"Double? He's gonna vibrate into another dimension," Gina said.

"He can handle his caffeine, I think," Iris said.

Barry had folded himself into a booth and sat hunched over the table, yawning hugely. She set his cup in front of him and let herself fall into the seat across. 

He blinked a few times and took a sip. He blinked a few more times and sat up, eyes wide. "Whoa," he said. "Wow."

"Too much?" she asked, burning her mouth on her own drink.

"Kind of like getting struck by lightning again, in a good way." He took another sip. "Okay. Yeah. I'm getting home okay. I might get to Idaho okay."

She fiddled with the lid of her cup, popping it on and off.

"Hey," Barry said, and she looked up. 

He leaned over the table to her, eyes wide and earnest. "He'll remember you. Of course he will. How could he not?"

The sun slanting in caught the freckles on his cheek and teased out red in his hair. He looked as if something was lighting him up. 

"Barry," she said softly. "I shouldn't have said that."  


"What?"

"About your family and not being honest with them. You keep your secrets if you want to. It's okay."

He looked away. "No, I think you had a point," he said. "I've got to be honest with them sometime, right? I mean, some secrets should be kept, but the more I keep this one - I should tell them. I will tell them."

She let out her breath, thinking of what she had to tell the Thawnes herself. "Things are - they're gonna change."

"Yeah."

"But I wanted to say I'm so glad I've gotten to know you this week."

"Even when I thought you were with Cisco, your not-boyfriend, and grilling you like you were in an interrogation room, and your car breaking down - "

"Okay, that wasn't your fault - "

"And then announcing to all your friends that you were pregnant."

"What's a little crazy miscommunication between friends?"

"Friends," he said, looking down at the table top. "Yeah."

She took another sip of her drink.

"Look," he said. "What I said earlier - "

"You're right about my blog," she said. "I should be proud. I am proud. I should tell people about it."

He grinned. "Yeah? So, if someone asks me, 'hey, do you know who writes that amazing Heroes of Central City blog,' I can tell them, 'Hell, yeah, I do. It's Iris West and she's incredible.' I can say that?"

She found herself laughing a little. "Yeah. Go ahead."

"Don't think I won't." His smile faded. "But actually, I was talking about what I said about you and Eddie."

"It - it is fast," she mumbled, looking at her drink.

"But, you know, my aunt was right the first time. When you know, you know. And if Eddie knows, and you know, well, that's all you need, not some arbitrary timeline. I was wrong to say that, and I needed to tell you, and also that I'm really, um, glad you're going to be part of the family."

". . . Yeah," she breathed. She swallowed hard. "I think I'm about ready to go home and wind down. Do you want a ride somewhere?"

"I'll - "

"Walk. Yeah. Of course you will." She pushed herself out of the booth. Even with the espresso jittering through her veins, she still felt like her legs were filled with cement. "Bye, Barry."

"Drive safe," he said.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll notice I've changed the title. I never liked the old one very much; it was just something I grabbed out of the story to fill in that box. The new one is from Natalie Cole's "This Will Be (an everlasting love)" which is one of my favorite songs and also the song that plays over the movie's beginning credits, so that works.
> 
> The next few chapters will be shorter but also a little darker and more intense than the rest of the story. Hopefully they'll also come faster!

Eddie Thawne was having a very long day. 

Coma patients were often very confused when they woke up, the neurologist told him. (He tried to remember her name, he did, but it slipped and slid away from him like an oiled fish.) How far back did he remember clearly?

His brain felt like the silty bottom of a river, full of clouds that moved and twisted, revealing things that would get hidden again minutes later. He remembered that he wasn't talking to his family, and why, and that he missed them. He remembered doing his job, and he remembered - but things got increasingly fuzzy the closer he got to the Christmas day where he'd apparently walked into a robbery in progress. He couldn't remember anything after about mid-December. It was like something had hit the fast-forward button and then stopped it the moment he woke up in the hospital, in a whole new year.

And then there was Iris West.

"How can I possibly forget that I was in love?" he asked.

"According to your mother, you'd only been dating for a few months," the neurologist said, unruffled.

"But I loved her enough to propose in that amount of time, and now I don't even remember." There was something familiar about those big brown eyes, that soft mouth, but try as he might, he couldn't remember kissing her or touching her, or telling her that he loved her, or even feeling it.

"And that'll come back. Give it time, Eddie. You haven't even been awake twenty-four hours. Don't push. Let it happen on its own time."

But letting things happen on their own wasn't in Eddie's nature. He wasn't brilliant, he knew, but he was stubborn and dogged and chipped away at a problem until it gave way in front of him, no matter how long it took. It had made him an A student and an excellent cop, which was why he asked his mom about Iris West when she came by in the afternoon.

She lit up. "Iris is  _ wonderful _ , sweetheart. We all loved her right from the start."

"Had I introduced you to her?" he asked hopefully. Maybe he and his family had made up. Maybe they were talking again, maybe - 

But his mom shook her head. "We met here. At the hospital, on Christmas Day."

"Shit, really? The day I got here?"

"Mhm. She hit a robber with a bottle of hazelnut syrup to keep them from shooting you."

"Wow." His guilt intensified. How could anyone love him like that when he'd had to have his  _ mom _ tell him her name?

"Oh, darling, she loves you so much. You should have seen her last night. This morning, I guess. She was distraught when you couldn't remember her."

He rubbed his temples. "Mom, I - "

"It'll come back to you," she said confidently, brushing his hair off his face the way she had when he was little. "Love isn't something you just forget."

His energy stores were low and easily drained, and he found himself drifting off, falling asleep easily. When he woke up, his parents had left and Barry was there.

"Hey," he said, struggling to sit up. "Bear. Hey."

"Hey, man," Barry said, his eyes bright. he put his hand out and nudged Eddie back. "Don't - just relax, okay? Wow. It's good to see you. Y'know. Awake."

"How long was I out this time?"

"Uh, it's about six at night? Your parents left about an hour ago. Iris was here too."

"Iris?"

"Yeah, you were out and she said she didn't want to wake you."

Eddie fiddled with the edge of the hospital blanket. "I still don't remember her."

Barry put a hand on his shoulder. "Give it a little time."

"I feel really bad for her though."

"She understands. I promise. She's willing to wait. Who wouldn't wait for the person they love?"

Eddie peered over at his cousin. Maybe it was the drugs, but there was something in Barry's voice when he talked about Iris. Or maybe that was the way everyone in his family had talked about her so far.

Barry gave him a smile. "How are you doing?"

He tried rub his head and almost strangled himself with his IV line. "Feeling kind of spacey," he admitted. "I had weird dreams."

"Just now?"

"When I was out," he said.

"Pink elephants? Giant gorillas?"

"D&D," Eddie said, and laughed. He didn't notice Barry go very still.

"Really," Barry said. "Wow. That's a flashback, isn't it? How long has it been?"

"Did I ever tell you I played in law school?"

"What?"

"Yeah! Some of us from one of my classes had a game every Tuesday night." He shrugged. "It was just - silly, fun. Something to distract us from all the crap." He looked at Barry. "I liked it, you know. When you used to drag me to your games at the library."

"You did?"

"I just never wanted to admit it because I was too cool."

Barry sat back, studying him as if he were seeing him in a whole new light. "You still play?"

"Not since I dropped out of law school."

It felt like a stone thudding down between them. Eddie could still remember the arguments around Sunday dinner. More than the arguments, the assumptions -  _ when you go back to school, Eddie - Mom, I'm not going back!  _

And the gut-deep betrayal of Barry agreeing with them. It felt simultaneously far away and freshly bleeding. 

"Bear," he said.

"Eds," Barry said back. 

"Did I - was I - was I talking to mom and dad yet? By Christmas?"

Barry's face fell. "No, man, you weren't. Or me, or Joe, or Wally." He swallowed. "I've missed you."

It was easier than he thought it would be to say, "I've missed you too."

Barry took a breath. "Eddie," he said.  "I'm sorry I didn't back you up."

He tried to laugh, to lighten the serious mood. "Are you just saying that because I've been comatose?"

"I'm saying that because I read your reports," Barry said. 

"You read - what?" 

"You're a good cop, and if it makes you happy, and if it's what you want to do, then good. Do it. And I'm on your side."

Eddie swallowed hard and concentrated on the weave of the hospital blanket. "Thanks for saying that."  


"Well. I've been wanting to, and putting it off, and I- Someone told me I could tell you when you woke up. So I'm glad I did."

Eddie swallowed a few more times. What was it about being in a coma for a week that made everything so close to the surface? He looked over at an empty chair - not empty, actually. There was a bag there. "Hey," he said. "What's that?"

"Don't know," Barry said. "It was there." He retrieved it. "Oh - there's a note. Your mom left it." He passed it over.

Eddie read the note, even though his mom's chicken scratch made his head hurt. "Oh," he said. "It's . . . It's actually for Iris."

Barry looked at the small box he'd taken out of the bag. His face went very still. "Looks to me like it's for both of you."

Eddie put it back in the bag. "She'll be back," he said. "Listen, Bear, tell me something, would you?"

"Mmm?"

"Why do you think I love Iris?"

Barry flushed and looked away. "God, I don't know. I wasn't around when you met her."

"Just tell me some things about her," he begged. "Some things that make her special, that make her lovable."

"She - I  - she - "

"Anything."

"She's - well. She's pretty. You know that. She's beautiful. Plus, she's smart as hell. And she has such an amazing smile."

Eddie tried to remember her smile, and for a moment, he could see it - wide and brilliant, lighting up a room. When had she smiled at him like that? He tried to pursue it and his head started to hurt. Then he blinked and it was gone. 

"Eddie," Barry said. "Hey. You okay? Your head hurting?"

"Just trying to remember," he said. "What else? What is it about her? Mom and Dad are both talking like they're about to adopt her if we call it off for some reason."

"Well, you know she lost both her parents, and she doesn't have any other family."

Eddie blinked. "I do?"

"Well. You did, and you will. Anyway, all she's really got is you. And some people - uh, when that happens to them, when they lose everybody important, they just shut down. They don't let anyone in. But Iris - I mean, you should see the way she looks with the whole family. She loved them right away, and they loved her."

"Mom was saying something about she might be related to Joe, and how Joe is trying to get in touch with his cousins or something to find out."

"Yeah," Barry said. "But so far not much luck, I think."

"Tell me more about her."

"She . . . . sees things differently. And then she makes you think in different ways. Just talking to her, things that always seemed so complicated suddenly start to make sense, and things that seem impossible are suddenly doable and you're just - you wonder why you ever thought it was going to be hard."

Eddie considered him. "She sounds amazing."

"She's incredible, Eddie. You're going to love her." Barry shook his head. "What am I talking about? You already do."

* * *

Barry left when Eddie fell asleep again. He left the hospital at normal speed because he was talking on his phone. "Thanks so much, Linda."

"No promises, Barry," she warned him. "I'm not in charge of this stuff, far from it."

"Thanks anyway." He ended the call and held his phone in his hand, thinking for a moment.

His own words came back to him.  _ Things that seem impossible are suddenly doable and you wonder why you ever thought it was going to be hard. _

He dialed.

"Hi, honey!"

"Hi, Aunt Nora. Listen - where are you guys? Are you home?"

"Oh, yeah. It's been such a long day that your uncle's just going to pick up a pizza and we're going to watch an old movie."

"Can I come over? I've got something I - I want to talk to you about."

Her voice went soft. "Anytime, honey. You know that."

"Okay. See you in a few."

He stowed his phone, walked until he found a spot that seemed sheltered enough, and bolted. 

The run was too short for him to really enjoy the world rushing past, the wind in his face, the power in his legs. Too soon, he was standing in front of the house where he'd spent most of his teen years. 

When he opened the door, his aunt looked up from the DVD collection. "Oh, wow, sweetheart, you must have been half a block away." She gave him a hug and a kiss.

"Where's Uncle Henry?"

"Back here," his uncle called out. "Looking for my keys."

Barry exchanged eye-rolls with his aunt. Uncle Henry was always losing his keys. They'd given him key racks and giant key rings and even one of those gadgets where you used your phone to find your keys. Nothing seemed to work.

Uncle Henry came in. "Well, they're not in my study."

"Are you sure?" his aunt said dryly.

"Ha, ha," he said. "Hi, Bear." He gave  Barry a quick hug before he started picking up pillows from the couch and peering under them. "What brings you here?"

"I was just at the hospital," he said.

"How was Eddie feeling?"

"Okay. Tired. We - um - " He cleared his throat. "We talked for a long time."

"Good," she said. "I'm really happy to hear that."

"But - guys - I was  _ just _ at the hospital."

"Mhm, you said that." His uncle moved on to the coffee table, fishing through piles of magazines.

"I called you from right in front of the hospital."

That got his aunt's attention. "Sweetie, I'm not sure what you're getting at here, but you called us three minutes ago." She checked her phone, then held it out to show him the timestamp, as if he needed to see it. "See? I know you have a lead foot, but your car's not that fast."

"I didn't come in my car. I haven't driven my car in four months."

Uncle Henry had left off his key-hunt and was standing staring at him.

"Now I really don't understand," his aunt said.

"Aunt Nora, I came here from the hospital on foot."

"Nobody's that fast."

He looked at them, at the grey in their hair, at the warm, comfortable, slightly cluttered living room. At the little stack of possible DVDs his aunt had stacked on the coffee table, when he could pretty much predict she'd pick  _ Singin' in the Rain _ again. At the cosy house that meant  _ family  _ and  _ safe _ and _ love. _

Why did he feel like he was about to shatter that?

"One person is," he said softly. "Me."

His uncle said, " _ Barry." _

His aunt shook her head. "No," she said. "No. I don't know why you're saying that, Barry, but I want you to stop."

"I'm saying it because it's the truth," Barry said. "Aunt Nora - I - "

"No," she said.

His hands clenched at his sides. "Hang on," he said, voice shaking. "I'll prove it. You guys ordered from the place down the road, right?" Of course they had. They always ordered from that place. "I'll go pick it up for you."

Two minutes later, he was back in his original spot, holding a piping hot pizza (which honestly, smelled  _ amazing _ .)

"You had it in your car," his aunt said.

His uncle crossed the room and took it from him, setting it on the coffee table. "Honey, it's still warm," he said gently.

"I told you it's been months since I drove my car," Barry said. "When was the last time you even saw my car? Aunt Nora, I ran and got this just right now. I can do that."

"No."

"I'm the - "

"No!"

"I'm the Flash."

" _ No, _ " she said and turned around and walked up the stairs.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: reference to suicide in this chapter

Barry started to go after her, only to find a gentle hand wrapped around his arm. "Let her go, son," Henry said. "She needs some time to take this in."

"What about you?" he asked.

"Me too." Henry leaned down and picked up a tablet sitting on the coffee table. His keys were under it. He ignored them. and woke the tablet up, staring at what was on the screen.

With a jolt, Barry recognized Iris's blog, with a new story. _Flash and Vibe Save the Day at the Waterfront_

His uncle's voice crackled like an old record. "This - is you?"

He nodded.

"This is why you've been so - "

"Flaky?" Barry supplied.

His uncle shot him an unreadable look. "I was going to say mysterious. When did it happen?"

"The lightning."

His uncle's eyes searched his face. "I knew there was something different about you. The amount you ate, how you kept disappearing on us - "

Barry hung his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to - "

"Sorry? What the hell for?"

It struck him into silence.

"Barry," his uncle said, setting the tablet down and walking around the coffee table to grip his shoulders. "Barry. Son. This is amazing. What you do is amazing. I'm so proud of you."

His eyes stung. "Really?"

"Yes. God. Yes. You're helping people. You're saving people. My god - you saved Eddie's life."

"I got him to the hospital," Barry corrected him. "Being a cop saved his life. He was wearing a vest. And also Iris saved him. With the syrup."

His uncle cupped his face. "I'm proud of you," he said again.

Barry let his head sag against his uncle's hand, his eyes pricking harder than ever. He hadn't realized how badly he wanted someone to say that - someone he loved, someone whose opinion he valued - until he heard the words. "Aunt Nora," he said, muffled.

Henry sighed heavily. "Ever since she lost your mom and dad, your aunt has been convinced that everyone she loves best in the world is living on borrowed time. That someday she'll lose you like she lost them. She's been reading that blog right along with me, and believe me, part of her is proud too. But right now all she can see is the people you go up against, the harm's way you're putting yourself in, and that terror that she lives with is choking her."

"I won't quit," Barry said. "I love it."

"I'll never ask you to."

"I heal fast," he offered. "I wiped out on some ice the day after Christmas and broke my ankle. Half an hour in an air cast was all it took to heal."

"Really? You're going to have to tell me more sometime. As for your aunt, give her time, son. You've never been good at waiting, but this is something you're going to have to do this time."

Barry let out a shaky sigh. "So . . . " he said. "You, uh, you read the blog?"

"When your son gets saved by the local superhero, you obviously start following him." He shook his head. "And now I find out it's you - I'm going to have to go back in the archives."

"You know who writes it," Barry said eagerly.

His uncle looked amused. "Is it you? Bear, are you going to tell me lightning taught you how to write? Because I read your English papers in high school, and - "

"No," he said. "Iris!"

Henry's mouth fell open a little. "Iris? Our Iris? Does she know about you?"

"No, she has no idea. She was writing it before we even met her. She does it all on her own - investigates and everything."

"Well," he said. "That's quite something. Did you hear that, Nor?"

Barry whipped around. His aunt stood at the bottom of the stairs, her face pale and drawn.

"Yes," she said quietly.

Barry bit his lip, silently pleading with his aunt to understand, to be proud -

She looked at the floor. "It's not that - that what you're doing is bad, sweetie. But - "

His shoulders sagged. Henry said, "Darling," half-under his breath.

"We almost lost Eddie," she said. "Now I find out about this."

"Eddie could have been in Jitters that day if he was a lawyer, Aunt Nora. He wasn't there for the robbery, he was there for a cup of coffee."

"Why do any of you have to do this?" she said, a pleading note in her voice. "Joe's always been bad enough, but - "

"I'm sorry that you're afraid," he said. "But I'm not sorry to be the Flash. I'm proud of what I can do. I'm going to keep doing it. And Eddie's going to keep being a cop. And neither us are going to stop."

Very, very softly, she admitted, "I know."

"I'm going to go," Barry said, his voice shaking.

They didn't stop him.

He found himself at Iris's apartment complex. He stood in the shadows where he'd stood the first night he'd gone there and stared at her window until he felt one hundred percent the creep Cisco had thought he was back then. He desperately wanted to go tell her about it, but he couldn't, not the whole thing.

He rang Cisco's bell instead.

"Hey, man," Cisco said, letting him in. "What brings you - whoa. You looked like someone kicked all of your puppies."

"I told my family," Barry said.

"Wha - about the Flash?"

He nodded.

"Didn't go well, I take it?"

"It went - " He slumped into a chair. "Really good with my uncle, and my aunt - " he hesitated. "Okay, actually. About as okay as I could have expected."

Cisco sat on the arm of his couch. "So why the face?"

"I don't know. Maybe I was expecting it to be perfect." He touched the center of his chest where there was a scar, branching out like a tree. It was where the lightning had hit, and changed him forever. "But you know, even though it wasn't, I actually do feel better. I've been keeping this inside me for months now. This was the first time I ever told anybody. I guess it's true how they say the truth will set you free."

"I have that t-shirt," Cisco said thoughtfully. "On the back, it says, 'but first it'll piss you off.'"

It surprised a laugh out of Barry. "Guess that's true too." He peered up at Cisco. "When did you tell your family?"

Cisco's face, which had been open and sympathetic, closed off. He let out a snort. "Somewhere around the twelfth of Hell Naw."

"You're not going to tell them?"

"We're not close." Cisco picked up a jacket from the couch - his Vibe jacket, Barry realized. "I was actually going out right now. I want to see if that ice meta left any more patches behind. Maybe I can vibe off one. You want in on this Sherlock action?"

"Sure," Barry said, getting to his feet. "I feel like running some more. You really think these random ice patches are a meta? I mean, it's January, dude."

"I got a feeling," Cisco said stubbornly. "And I want to find them fast, because I can't work out whether they're in control of their powers or not, and I don't know which is worse."

* * *

Iris sat on the planter at the edge of the hospital parking lot, her fingers tucked into her coat sleeves like a monk, trying to talk herself into getting up and going inside. Under her coat, she was still in her Jitters uniform, the polo shirt and the apron with a utility knife bumping her hip. She'd been unpacking stock when she'd gotten the chirpy text from Nora. _Everyone's at the hospital right now, come spend lunch with us!_

She pressed her fingers into her eyes, ordering her feet to move, to take her into the hospital, to walk up to Eddie's room, and to finally tell them all the truth.

Her feet were unresponsive. Stupid feet.

"You've been sitting here for fifteen minutes. What are you doing? "

Iris jerked her head up. Caitlin stood in front of her, arms crossed.

"How do you know how long I've been here?"

"I can see you from the window. What's going on?"

"The Thawnes are all here," Iris said in a shaky voice. "In Eddie's room. All of them. And I'm going to tell them. I am."

"Oh. Well." Caitlin took a step back and swept her arms toward the hospital in a grand gesture. "By all means, don't let me stop you."

Her eyes narrowed at the sarcastic bite in the other woman's voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean you've had a week to do this already. What's taking so long?"

Iris started to get mad. "Hey, you know what? Climb down off your high horse there, girl, I wasn't the one who jumped to a stupid conclusion and got us both in this mess to begin with."

"Us? This is not my mess."

She was on her feet now, fists clenched. All the frustration and self-castigation she'd been battering herself with just a moment ago lashed out at Caitlin.  "Who was it who dragged me down here on Christmas Day and told them I was his fiance?"

"It's true, I made a mistake." Caitlin pointed at her. "But you kept compounding it, and dragging me in. _Please Caitlin, keep lying for me, Caitlin, keep stomping on your ethics, Caitlin._ I'm out sick for two days and come back to find out you're telling everyone he has amnesia!"

"I didn't tell them that! When they found out he didn't remember me - "

"There's nothing to remember! Which you could have mentioned, but you didn't. And now he probably thinks he's losing his mind just because you wanted to play house with the Thawnes!"

"Some people, and by that I mean people and not robots, need other people. I know it's wrong, but you can't imagine what it's like to have a family after being alone for so long."

"You're not the only one who's alone in the world. Suck it up, princess."

"Yeah? Well, at least I'm not alone because I'm such an ice queen that nobody can stand to be around me. Why did you even become a doctor? You don't care about anybody but yourself."

" _How dare -_ " Caitlin shouted, and then choked. "No," she whispered

"How dare I what, actually call you on your - " Then Iris noticed the mist pouring off the other woman's hands. "Oh my god."

"Get away," Caitlin said in a shaking voice. "Now."

"What's happening to you?"

"Get away - " Caitlin clamped her hands on the edge of the planter. Ice sped out from her hands, encasing the entire thing - cement, dirt, branches, and every last green needle - in a fine, glittering layer of frost.

Iris jumped backward with a muffled shriek. "You're the ice meta."

"Oh, no," Caitlin moaned. "No, no, no, that's supposed to stop it - "

"Can't you control it?"

"Do you think I'd be doing this if I could control it?" Caitlin froze the other planter and the evergreen bush in it, then whimpered as her hands kept pouring mist.

"How do you stop it?"

"Freezing something has always worked before."

"Don't you have something? A shot? A tranquilizer."

For a moment, hope flickered across the other woman's face. "Not on me. I can't go in there and get a tranq. It's too dangerous for me to be around anybody like this."

"Then I'll get it."

"They'll never give it to you. " She turned and started to run across the parking lot, headed for a small wooded park behind the hospital.

Iris scrambled after her, jumping over the patches of ice she left behind on the pavement. "Where are you going?"

"Don't follow me."

"I'm not leaving you."

Caitlin slapped her hands on a tree, watching resignedly as ice shot up and down its trunk, coating every twig and leaf in a layer of clear ice. "It's getting worse. You need to get out of here!"

"No!"

Caitlin turned on her, then paused. "What's in your pocket?"

"Wha - ?" Iris looked down and saw the handle of the utility knife. With a wash of horror, she realized what Caitlin wanted to do. "No," she said. "You can't!"

"I can't control this on my own. I don't to hurt anybody. Or worse." Tears spilled down her face, freezing on their way down. "I have to be stopped."

"Not like that," Iris pleaded, backing away from the edge of the ice that crawled to meet her. "Somebody can help you, but not like that."

"Who?"

Iris grabbed her phone and scrambled through her most recent calls.

"Iris?" Barry asked.

"Barry," she said. "I'm in the park outside, with Caitlin. She needs your help."

A split second of silence, and then he said, "What do you mean, my help?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. "She needs the Flash."


	12. Chapter 12

Over the phone, Barry was only quiet for a split second, but it was long enough for her to doubt the facts that she'd assembled on New Year's Eve. Then he said, "What's happening?"

Iris almost fell to her knees.  _ Yes.  _ She'd been right. "Caitlin's the ice meta, and she's losing control of her powers."

With a whoosh, he stood next to her, tall and lean in his red suit. "Oh my god. Iris," he said, grabbing her arms. "Come on."

"Wait!" Iris yelped, slapping her hand to his chest. "We don't have time. Go to - " She looked at Caitlin.

"Fourth floor," Caitlin said. She didn't ask how Iris knew the Flash well enough to call him up like a pizza. Heavy, chilly mist swirled around her, and she pressed both palms against another tree. The ice poured out faster and the Flash gulped. "Psych ward," she continued, voice shaking. "They have the strongest and fastest-acting sedatives in the hospital." She pulled her hands free of the tree, now completely encased in ice, whimpering as the mist only paused for a moment.

"Iris," the Flash said. "You can't stay here with her like this."

"I damn well am."

"But - "

"I'm not arguing this with you! Now  _ go! _ "

With another whoosh, he was gone.

Caitlin said into the stillness, "Thank you. I don't know why you're staying, but you don't have to."

"I'm not leaving you alone," Iris said, although what she really wanted to say was  _ Your eyes are glowing _ and  _ your hair is going white  _ and some added  _ oh shit oh shit oh shit _ for color.

"Iris," Caitlin said. 

It caught Iris's attention, because the other woman's voice trembled like a leaf.

"If this doesn't work, tell him what I want."

"I - "

"Please," Caitlin said.

Before Iris could answer, the Flash was back, pausing next to Iris. "I got - " He peered at the label and sounded out something complicated and chemical-sounding. 

"That should work. Just inject it anywhere," Caitlin said, shoving up her sleeves. "It doesn't matter."

"Me?"

"If I hold it, I'll freeze it! Do it now!"

Wind blasted again, tossing Iris's hair, and Caitlin jerked as if she'd been punched. The syringe had appeared, stuck into the crook of her elbow. For a moment, the mist still poured from her hands, heavy and thick, roiling in the turbulent air.

Iris's hand slipped into her pocket and curled around the utility knife.

Then the mist began to thin out, and finally it was gone. Caitlin let out a sigh as her knees buckled. The Flash caught her before she hit the ground, and lowered her the rest of the way. She huddled on the ice-patched ground, looking very small and vulnerable.

Before her eyes slid shut, Iris saw that they'd gone back to brown again.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wow, cold cold cold," the Flash said, letting go of her and shaking his hands out like they'd been immersed in ice water. "Holy shit."

"Is she okay?"

"She's breathing." For a moment, he knelt next to the doctor. Iris couldn't see much of his face under the cowl, but his mouth looked sad. Then he sighed, climbed to his feet, and pulled a phone out from a hidden pocket. "Hey, man. I'm over at the park by the hospital and I need your help. You remember the ice meta? Uh-huh, yeah, you could say I'm a convert. I found her. You're never gonna believe who it is."

Iris jumped back as a glowing blue portal opened up in the air a few feet away. Vibe climbed through, his goggles on, his jacket hanging unzipped over a t-shirt that read _Doctor's Orders_ , with a picture of somebody she remembered seeing on the Internet. He was tying his hair back, but paused when he saw Iris. "Is this her?"

"No, of course not," the Flash said. 

Vibe shook his head.  _ "Dude,"  _ he said. "A little warning about the civilian next time. Not all of us can get changed in a split second."

She was goggling at the portal. She'd seen pictures, blurry shots somebody had posted to Twitter and subsequently given her permission to repost on her blog. But that didn't come close to replicating the sheer strangeness of the tear in reality.

At his words, she tore her eyes away and leveled her gaze at Vibe. "Cisco," she said. "I know it's you."

He went still. Behind him, the portal sucked itself into nothingness. "Oh my god, you told her."

Barry hooked his thumbs under the bottom edge of his mask and peeled it off his face. "I didn't tell her," he said. His hair stuck up in every direction, and Iris wondered wildly what static electricity at six hundred miles an hour did. Nothing good, she was sure. "That doesn't matter right now. We need to do something for Caitlin."

"Caitlin? What's she - " He spotted her on the ground. "Oh, no way," he breathed, dropping down to one knee next to her. "Her? Really?"

"Yeah."

"Shit, how did I miss this? What'd you do? You knock her out?" 

"Tranq," Barry said. "She's okay."

He checked her heartbeat with a couple of fingers on her wrist, and his shoulders relaxed. "Why didn't she tell us?"

"I don't know, man."

He lifted his head, taking in the ice-coated trees and grass. The surfaces had begun to shine with melt, slowly. "She did all this?"

Iris nodded. "We were arguing about -  well, that doesn't matter. And then suddenly her hands just started pouring out mist. She couldn't control it. She said usually freezing something stopped it, but that wasn't working, so I called Barry and he brought a sedative and - well." She gestured.

Cisco reached out and brushed his finger over one of the iced-up trees. "Girl's got some serious firepower," he observed. "So to speak."

Iris looked from one superhero to the other. "What are you going to do to her?"

"Ideas?" Barry asked Cisco.

He braced his hands on his knees, sucking his teeth. It was hard to read his face behind the goggles. "I think I know a guy."

"She didn't do anything wrong," Iris said. "She lost control of the situation, that's all."

"Hey," Cisco said. "I know that. What do you take me for? We're not going to Iron Heights."

"Where are you going?"

"To see a friend of mine, let's say."

"She's afraid. She doesn't want these powers. She  thinks she's going to end up hurting or killing somebody, and I - "  _ I think she might be right. _ "Is there anything your friend can do to take them away?"

He shook his head. "I know that feeling. Really, I do. But I think we're all SOL on that. Best he can do is maybe figure out some way to modulate them."

"Okay," Iris said. "Just, um, take care of her, would you?"

"After the way she's looked after us? You can count on it." he said. He shook out his shoulders, muttered something like, "Let's see if I can do this without a migraine," and pushed his hand out in front of him, shooting blue light from his palm that poured into a new portal. 

Even though Iris had only seen one in real life yet, this one still felt different, somehow. She didn't have time to ask before Cisco crouched, hefted Caitlin into his arms with a grunt, and stepped through it. The portal zipped closed behind him.

Iris turned to Barry. "What did he mean, after the way she's looked after you? Does Caitlin know about - " She waved her hand at his suit. "All this?"  


"She's - uh, long story, but we come to her when we need patching up." He ran a hand over his hair, looking at all the ice. "I wish she'd told us about her powers earlier. We could have helped."

"How?"

"I don't know. Maybe just so she wouldn't feel so alone."

"Sometimes secrets get so big you can't find your way out," Iris murmured. "Where is he taking her?"

"Honestly? No idea." At her look of surprise, he said, "Cisco's got a lot more secrets than you'd think. But he'll make sure she's okay. You trust him, right?"

Iris wondered if she even knew him. But then she looked at Barry, who had reacted as Barry but come to her aid as the Flash. Just names, she thought. Just names for two faces of the same man. "Yeah," she said.

"Okay, then. Caitlin will be fine. She will. Listen," he said. "Did my aunt and uncle tell you?"

She blinked up at him, fighting a sense of unreality - as if this whole episode hadn't been unreal enough, what with the out-of-control ice meta and the portal in mid-air. With his cowl down and his suit on, she could see both Barry and the Flash at the same time, man and meta. Like one of those pictures with the different-colored layers that you had to combine to get the whole thing. "No," she said. "They know?"

"I told them last night. But then how did you figure it out?"

"Oh - little things. Your aunt and uncle kept saying they could never get ahold of you. You missed Christmas - "

He looked away.

"Which you wouldn't have done without a really good reason," she went on. "And, you know, I can use Google Maps. The sixteenth is nowhere near the hospital, or my place. It's across the city. And, really who walks everywhere in the middle of winter when they have a working car? Get a better story, Barry."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um."

She shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't put it together until Cisco interrupted us fighting on New Year's Eve - "

He blushed. 

"And then the next thing I heard, Flash and Vibe were together on the scene down at the waterfront. And I remembered that Flash and Vibe started working together after I introduced you to each other, and I started thinking about how weird Cisco's schedule is, and how he's always turning up with mysterious bruises and I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it earlier. Kind of like a lightning bolt, to be honest."

"You're amazing," he said.

She shrugged. "I was sitting in the hospital waiting room to hear about Eddie. It was nice to have something else to think about."

"Eddie," he said. "Listen, Iris, I've only told my aunt and uncle, nobody else. Can you let me tell Eddie? And everybody?"

She put her hand on his arm. "It's your story to tell. And that goes for my blog, too. I only report on the Flash and Vibe. Barry Allen and Cisco Ramon are off limits."

"Thanks," he said, smiling down at her. She felt her stomach quiver. 

Both their phones went off at the same time. It was a text from Wally.  _ Where r u? I'm eating all the pizza. _

"Oh, god!" she said.

"What? What is it?"

"I - " She rubbed her eyes. "I was thinking about something I had to do. But I can put it off." 

She'd had a terrible day already and it was only twelve-thirty. She could bask in this family's warmth and love for one more day, couldn't she? Tomorrow was soon enough.

"Okay," he said. "Uh - you want a ride? Wally's not kidding about the pizza, I can tell you that."'

"What? Like a speedy-back ride?"

"Yeah, sure." He laughed.

She laughed too. The hospital was right over there. It was ridiculous, but - "Sure," she said. "Okay."

"All right." He scooped her up, which she wasn't gonna lie, made her stomach flutter again. He smelled like the air after a lightning storm, clean and ozone-y. "Hold on," he said, and for a fraction of a second, the world blurred around them.

It resolved itself into a hospital hallway, empty of people. "We're right around the corner from Eddie's room," he said, setting her down. She let go of his shoulders reluctantly. "I'll be right there. Gotta go change."

She realized he was still wearing his suit. "Yeah, you're not inconspicuous."

He flashed a grin at her and was gone the next moment.

When she walked in the room, a little chorus of  _ Iris! _ and _ there she is _ and _ finally  _ went up. 

"What took you so long?" Nora asked, giving her a hug.

"Oh, um, a friend needed help," Iris said. "That's why I called Barry." She didn't miss the look Henry and Nora exchanged, but they stayed quiet.

"Everything okay?" Joe asked, his brows pulled together.

"Just fine now," Barry said from behind her. "Hey, Wally, did you leave us any?" He ambled past her and peered into the box. "Oh, come on!"

Wally shook his head. "Too slow, man, too slow."

A gravelly voice said, "Should have known better, Bear."

Iris turned and blinked. "Eddie!" she exclaimed. "Hi. Wow. You look good." She gave him an awkward hug, and his arms were hesitant around her. He moved in a way that made her panic for an instant that he was about to kiss her, and she pulled away with a jerk. "How are you feeling?"

"Well-rested," he said dryly, and it made her laugh. 

"Sit here, honey," Nora said brightly, and vacated her chair at Eddie's side.

"Oh, but - okay." She settled in, focused on peeling off her coat so she wouldn't have to look at her faux fiance.

"You were at work?" he asked her.

"Yeah, it's my lunch hour. I've got to go back in - " she checked her phone. "Ooof. Not very long. Sorry." She scrunched up her face.

"It's all right."

A slice of pizza on a paper plate appeared on her lap, and she glanced up to Barry's smile as he retreated. 

Eddie's hand covered hers.

"Iris," he said in a low voice. "I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. And I want you to know, I'm working as hard as I can to remember you. Us. Our life together."

"You - " She swallowed. "Eddie. Please. Focus on healing. Your memories will come back on their own soon enough, and then you'll know - " she flailed "- everything you need to know."

The bite of pizza sat uneasily in her stomach. She set it down and plucked at the edge of the plate. 

He smiled at her, his bright beautiful smile that would have brightened her entire day just two weeks ago. Now it just made her feel worse. "You may be the most generous person I've ever met."

"Oh, no," she said. "I'm no saint. I have a lot of personal flaws. Trust me."

"Not according to my family."

"Well, your family is amazing."

"They really are, aren't they?" He watched them for awhile, bickering happily over the last slice of pizza. "I'm sure you must know how much I've missed them. It was just stubbornness, staying away from them for so long. Waking up to find them here - and my mom tells me that you've spent so much of this past week with them that you already feel like one of the family."

"It was my pleasure. Really, it was."

"This is like a miracle. It's like we were never estranged. And I know It's one more thing I can thank you for. Besides, you know, agreeing to spend your life with me."

God, she wished he would stop saying things like that.

He shifted, tugging the hospital gown straight and giving it a rueful look. "Hey, uh, I don't know if we talked about this or what."

"It can wait," she said, without knowing what it was. Whatever it was, it could  _ so _ wait.

"No," he said. "I think part of the reason I don't feel quite like this is real is - " He tapped her ring finger. "This. This is empty. I never gave you a ring."

"Really," she said curling her hand into a fist. "Honestly. I don't mind, I - "

He raised his voice. "Mom? Hey, Mom, can you bring me the bag on the chair there?"

Her face lit. "Yes. Absolutely." She grabbed it and handed it past Iris, who stared at it with nameless dread. 

When Eddie pulled out a small, square box with worn velvet edges, the dread solidified.

Joe said in a low voice, "Eds, maybe now's not the time - "

"It's the perfect time," Eddie said. "The whole family's here. I want you all to see this." He opened the box.

Iris went numb all over. Her ears rang, her vision blurred.

The ring was old-fashioned, delicate, gold with a round diamond in the center. This wasn't some cocktail ring, some piece of Cracker Jack costume jewelry. This was - 

"My grandmother's engagement ring," Eddie was saying, through the roaring in her ears. "My mom has been saving it for me all my life, until I met the woman that I couldn't live without. And from everything I've heard about you, Iris West, you're that woman. I know I'll remember it for myself soon enough, but you deserve this ring." He held it out to her.

It was his  _ grandmother's engagement ring. _

"I can't," she said.

His face flickered. "Do you want to wait? Until I remember?"  


"No, I can't. I can't ever accept this. Eddie, you never loved me."

"Now, Iris," Henry said. "I know you must be feeling pretty raw because of the amnesia and everything, but trust me, that's no reflection on your relationship with Eddie. Brains are strange things, they - "

Iris cut him off. "It's not about the amnesia. It's - "

She looked at Joe. His eyes were sad, but he gave her the smallest of nods, like,  _ Go on, baby. Do the right thing. It's time. _

"Th-the day of the robbery," she said. "When Eddie got hurt? After it all happened, I came here, to the hospital, to see him. But there was a - " She gulped, thinking of Caitlin saying she could lose her license. "A mix-up. The hospital thought I was his fiancee, but it - it's not true."

Her words fell like stones into a still pond swallowed up by the aghast silence in Eddie's hospital room.

"We're not engaged?" Eddie asked at last.

She looked at him, biting her lips against the tears. "We're not engaged," she said. "We never dated. I'm not sure you even knew my name. I was your barista, Eddie. I saw you at Jitters every day, where you paid me for a cup of coffee, and that was the sum total of our relationship up to Christmas Day."

She swallowed. Her ears rang with the silence. The room was full of eyes, staring at her with varying degrees of disbelief and betrayal and -

She couldn't even look at Barry. She didn't want to know what was in his eyes.

"I know I should have been honest, but everything happened so fast that first day I didn't know what to say. And then - " She looked around at everyone, her eyes flickering from face to face too fast to take anything in. "Then you  _ welcomed _ me. You made me feel like I belonged with you. And I loved it. I kept telling myself I was going to tell you the truth, but I didn't want to, because it felt so good to be part of a family again."

She pressed her lips together ordering herself not to cry. There would be time for that later.

"I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see or speak to me ever again. I understand. All the time we spent together was under false pretenses, and I can't take that back. But please know that being part of your family has made this the most wonderful week of my life, and that's how I'll always remember it."

She looked at Eddie. He was staring down at the ring box, his face suffused with something like - 

Relief?

"I have no excuse," she said. "I'm so sorry you got caught in the middle of this and that you thought, even for a moment, that you could forget about someone you loved. One day you'll find the woman that deserves to have that ring, and by that time, you really will have forgotten all about me."

He looked up. Whatever expression had been on his face was gone now. She looked away, at his family. Nora and Henry and Wally, devastated, rocked to the core. Joe, sadness all over him. Barry -

Her eyes threatened to well up even at the thought of trying to see Barry's expression. 

"I'm sorry," she said again. She felt like she could never say it enough. "I'm so sorry. I have to go."

Leaving the Thawnes and the Wests and Barry -  _ Barry _ , her heart mourned,  _ Barry - _ she turned and walked out of the hospital room.


	13. Chapter 13

Iris knocked on the desk. Caitlin looked up from the computer. "Iris," she said. "Hi."

The ER was actually quiet today. Caitlin seemed to be catching up on paperwork, referring to notes on a clipboard as she worked. She looked like herself. Eyes: brown, hair: brown. Hands: _not_ pouring out mist like a terrifying subzero freezer.

She nodded at what Iris held. "Is Jitters making deliveries now?" she asked.

"No," Iris said, setting the to-go cup on the high top of the desk, within Caitlin's reach. "It's an apology."

Caitlin didn't reach for it. "Given that I tried to flash-freeze you like a bag of peas two days ago, we may be even."

"Oh, I'll accept your apology for that," Iris said cheerily. "But you were right about me. I kept putting off doing the right thing, and making you help me, and it was wrong of me. And I'm sorry."

Caitlin fussed with her nails. "It's okay," she said, in a muffled voice.

"I did tell the truth, finally."

"I know. I heard."

"I kept your name out of it."

"I heard that, too. Thank you." Caitlin picked up a couple of pens marked with the hospital logo and slotted them back into a pen cup, apparently just to fuss with something. Next to the clipboard, her phone buzzed, but she ignored it. "I spoke to the Thawnes myself when I came back to work. Told them it was my mistake to begin with."

Iris caught her breath. "Are they going to sue or anything?"

"No," Caitlin said, looking surprised. "No, they're not. It wasn't a comfortable discussion, but I made my apologies and they agreed to let it stay at that."

"I'm really glad."

"Me too."

Overhead, the speaker squawked like Charlie Brown's parents, a garble of syllables and a code. Apparently nothing Caitlin needed to attend to, because she glanced up and then looked back at the drink Iris had brought.

"Drink it," Iris said, "or it's going to get cold."

Hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure she had a right to it, Caitlin put out her hand and picked it up. She took a slow sip. Her phone buzzed again, and she ignored it again. "Have you talked to any of them?"

"Joe called me that same night," Iris said.

"What did he say?"

"That everyone was still trying to take it in."

She'd cried while on the phone with him, trying to keep it silent so he wouldn't guess that she'd been a wreck all day long, that Gina had even sent her home early for the first time ever. She thought he'd guessed anyway, because he'd told her, _Call me anytime, baby. I mean that_ , when she'd said she had to go.

"How about since then?"

"Nothing."

"Not even from Barry?"

Iris flinched at his name, and Caitlin said, "Oh," very softly. And then, "I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "Wally hasn't blocked me on anything. I keep getting his notifications. So that's something, I guess? How are you doing?"

Caitlin frowned at her for a moment, then nodded a little. "Better."

A medtech with a cart clattered along behind Iris, and she shifted out of the way. Lowering her voice, she said, "Where did Cisco take you?"

"I'm not sure, actually. I woke up in somebody's private lab. Cisco was pulling these out of a drawer." She held up her wrists to show two cuffs. They looked at first glance like step trackers, or very fancy wristwatches.

"What do they do?"

"Dampen my powers." She studied them. "Somehow. I'm not sure how."

"Did Cisco make those?" By now, she wouldn't be surprised at anything.

"Not exactly. He left a note. Said the person they belonged to would understand."

"He told me you probably wouldn't be able to get rid of your powers. That maybe the best you could do is learn to wrangle them."

She nodded. "He said that to me, too. We talked for a long time and I - " She sighed. "I still don't want them. I don't think I'll ever want them. But this is the hand I've been dealt. I've got to work with it. Practice. Get them under control so I don't put anyone in danger ever again."

"If anyone can do it, you can," Iris said. "You're so much stronger than you know."

Caitlin gave her a thoughtful look. Before she could say anything, her phone buzzed again, and Iris asked, "Who keeps texting you?"

Caitlin glanced at her phone, and the glance almost could have been called fond. "Oh - Cisco. He keeps coming up with ways I can use my powers for good. He thinks I should put on a skintight costume and go out kicking ass with him and Barry."

Iris angled her head to read the text. "No more nasty warm beer ever again," she read.

"They're not all epic." She flipped the phone over screen-side down and leaned over the desk. "Listen. What you said to me - "

"Oh no - "

"You were right. Ever since Ronnie died, I've shut down. Which is what I do. Shutting down has always been my defense against pain. But I didn't realize how bad I'd gotten until you asked me why I even was a doctor."

"Listen," Iris said, leaning forward in her turn. "I was _not_ right, okay? Now, it's true, you're not always the sweetest or gentlest person in the room. I'll grant you that. But Cisco told me how you two met, and how you met Barry. And then I think of what you did for me - "

"Oh, god," Caitlin said. "Don't take that as an example."

"But I am," Iris said stubbornly, "and you can't stop me. Because you made a mistake, but if I really had been Eddie's fiancee, the way that you made sure I got in to see him, and how you reassured me - that would have been amazing. It was amazing. You do care about people. You see someone hurting and you help them. It's intrinsic to your nature."

"Medical help is one thing," Caitlin said. "I know how to do that. But you were also asking me to be your friend, and that shouldn't be beyond me. It shouldn't be beyond anybody."

"Well," Iris said slowly. "You show promise. And I think you can improve."

"With practice?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

Iris waited a moment. "So," she prompted. "There's something you still need to tell me?"

"Oh," Caitlin said. She straightened in her chair and said with all the formality of an international diplomat, "Iris, I'm very sorry that I almost froze you like a bag of peas the other day. That's something I'm working on."

"I accept your apology," Iris said with equal formality. "And, again, I'm sorry that I dragged you into my lie."

"I accept your apology," Caitlin said, sipping her drink again. "This is really very good."

"I've been making your lattes for months, I know how you like them."

Caitlin gave her  a sly look. "Cisco says you bring him day-old pastries. I don't suppose there's any chance of coffee deliveries being a regular event?"

Iris looked her in the eye. "Dream on."

Caitlin laughed.

* * *

Iris was curled up on her couch, reading and re-reading a message in her email. Not her regular one, but the one posted on her blog that people could use to contact her.

_Please contact us about an opportunity to bring Heroes of Central City under the Central City Picture News umbrella. We're very excited about the stories you've uncovered. Sincerely, Mason Bridge, Director of Online Content, CCPN._

She opened up the CCPN website and plugged in the name at the bottom of the email, and found Mason Bridge listed as the director of online content. This wasn't a scam, or at least not an immediately verifiable one.

She clicked back over to her email and stared at it some more.

When a knock sounded on the door, she jumped, and then set her laptop on her coffee table and got up to answer it. Cisco, maybe. He'd taken to checking on her every night. He kept telling her that Barry didn't hate her, but Iris didn't know if she could believe him.

But it wasn't Cisco.

"Hi," Nora said. "I got your address from Joe, I hope that's all right."

Iris clutched her door frame for dear life. "Of course, no, it's fine. D-do you want to come in?"

"Thank you." Nora stepped inside and shrugged off her coat.

Iris shut the door behind her and  locked her hands behind her back, unsure what to expect.

"I brought something from Joe," Nora said.

"Oh." Maybe Nora had been on this side of town, completing errands. Pick up groceries, get the oil changed, drop something off with the evil, deceptive girl who'd pretended to be her son's fiancee. "That - thank you."

Iris took the large, flat manila envelope that Nora held out and opened it to pull out a sheet of stiff photo paper.

"Oh," she said, very very quietly. It was a picture of her parents, one she'd never seen. They couldn't have been more than about sixteen, dressed up to go to a school dance. Their clothes were hilariously outdated, their smiles gloriously in love.

"I guess Joe got it from your grandmother. It turns out your grandfather was a cousin of Joe's father. So you are related."

She pulled another sheet of paper out of the envelope and stared down at it. _Esther West._ And an address in Coast City, a phone number, and a note that Esther was on Facebook.

She'd never really believed that Joe was related to her, or that her father's family would admit it if they were. But here it was, jotted down in Joe's square cop handwriting - her grandmother's existence.

"I sent a card to them," she said, voice shaking. "When my dad died. I didn't hear anything back. Their own son."

"Did you know your grandfather died eighteen months ago?"

She shook her head mutely.

"It's your choice to contact her, obviously, but consider that she's as alone as you've been."

Against her will, Iris felt a pang for the grandfather she'd never known. "Maybe," she said, sliding paper and picture back into the envelope and turning away to lay it on the coffee table next to her laptop. "Thank for bringing that."

"I said Joe sent it with me," Nora said. "That's not really accurate. He wanted to bring it himself, but I begged him to let me do it instead so I'd have a reason to come see you."

Iris felt her cheeks get hot. She couldn't decide whether that was better or worse. "I'm sure you have some things to say."

Nora eyed her. "Oh, sweetheart. You look like I'm about to beat you up."

Iris didn't know what to say to that.

Nora looked down at her hands. "I've had a hard couple of weeks," she said. "A hard few months." She let out her breath in a huff. "Oh, let's just go whole hog and say one hell of a year. Eddie not talking to us, and then Barry's accident and him getting all secretive and distant - it hasn't been easy. When I met you, I thought, _this is just what we need_. Some happy thing to bring this family back together."

"And then it turned out to be a lie," Iris said.

"But you did bring us back  together," Nora said.

Iris stared at her.

"If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have felt close enough to Eddie to be there at the hospital every day. And your blog - I read it, did you know that? Henry and I both do. We did before Barry told us that he was the Flash. After he told me that, I read everything over again, thinking of him doing those things and I - " She bit her lip, then gave a little gasp. "It's not easy for a mother to admit that her children are grown, and making their own choices, and putting their own lives on the line for a good cause. But I'm starting to come around to it."

"I'm glad."

"And that's because of you. Even though it wasn't the way I thought you would - you brought my boys back to me. Thank you, Iris. I can never thank you enough."

She blinked hard, looking away at the bare spot where she'd just taken down her Christmas tree on Epiphany. "How are they?" she asked.

"Eddie's doing pretty well. Working hard at his physical therapy, and his memory's clearing up."

"That's really good."

"You know, he doesn't resent you. Is that what you're afraid of? He doesn't hold any hard feelings. We've been spending a lot of time together, talking a lot, and when it comes to you, mostly he's just relieved that there was a reason he couldn't remember."

Iris let out her breath. "And Barry?" She was proud of herself for saying his name like it was any other name. "How is he doing?"

Nora's brows went up. "You've been reporting on him."

"I know, but that's just the Flash side of him."

"He hasn't talked to you?"

She shook her head.

"Hmmm," Nora murmured. "Well. He's been very quiet, lately."

She waited as if she wanted Iris to press her further, but Iris didn't have to courage to push. She looked down at her hands instead.

"I should go," Nora said. "Visiting hours are up soon. But, listen, Iris. I want you know something."

"What?"

"Whatever happens with your grandmother, know that you have a family with us. With Joe and Wally, obviously - but with me and Henry too."

Iris stared at her, overwhelmed. She thought she might cry.

Nora smiled a little and zipped up her coat. "Don't be a stranger, sweetheart."

* * *

Nora's words sat in her heart like a polished gem that she took out and considered every so often over the next few days, even as several things happened all at once to jolt her life all out of alignment. Like it hadn't been off-kilter since the moment she'd smacked an armed robber with a bottle of hazelnut syrup. But this was a whole new course.

A better one, she hoped.

She was cleaning the pastry case at Jitters when the door jingled. She looked up with a jolt, and found herself looking at Cisco. "Hey," she said. "What brings you my way?"

"Gotta send you off in style," he said, grabbing a chair and swinging it around to sit backwards.

"My last day isn't until tomorrow," Iris said.

He pointed at her. "But it's your last closing shift, and I'm gonna miss the sweet, sweet day-olds." He looked acquisitively at the plate of muffins and pound cake slices she'd set aside.

"I guess you'll just have to come in and buy them fresh like everybody else," she said, but handed him the one single cranberry orange scone that she'd set aside with ruthless selfishness.

He made a happy noise and bit in. "With all the cashola I'll be making at my sweet Queen Labs job?" he asked, spraying crumbs. "Whoops, shorry." He grabbed a napkin and wiped the crumbs up.

She aimed a grin at him. "Yes. That." Finally, someone had realized how amazing an engineer Cisco really was. He pshawed that, saying he was going to be an entry-level drone, nobody special, but his grin kept breaking out.

"You'll be raking in the dough, too."

She snorted. "Yeah, right. You have a seriously skewed notion of how much a cub reporter makes in this economy." Just saying the words thrilled her to her toes. Iris West, cub reporter. Soon to be Iris West, investigative journalist - Iris West, Pulitzer Prize Winner - Iris West, _Editor in Chief_ -

Well. Iris West, cub reporter was enough for right now.

She noticed the way he kept glancing at the door. "Waiting for someone?" _Barry, maybe?_ she thought, and had to swallow back the thought. It felt too much like hope.

"Caitlin," he said. "We're getting in some practice time before I go out on patrol."

"Oh, got it. How's that going?"

He leveled a look at her. "She lost her fiance a few months ago. It's not _going_ anywhere. We're just friends."

"I meant the practicing," Iris said, fighting to keep her giggles inside.

"Oh," he said, going red. "Uh - no, that's good. Kinda bumpy and chilly sometimes, but good."

The door jingled, and Caitlin came in, shaking snow off her gloves and brushing it out of her hair.

"Whoa," Cisco said. "Flare? Let me see your cuffs."

"The cuffs are working fine," she said. "It's snowing out. A meteorological event, not me."

"F'reals?" he yelped, and jumped up to peer out the window at the dancing flakes.

Caitlin smiled at the back of his head. "Hi, Iris."

"Hey, Caitlin. Want anything before I put it in the fridge?"

"I'm okay, thanks."

When she returned from putting all the baked goods away, Cisco and Caitlin were whispering together. She raised her brows at them.

He looked up and saw her. "Hey, we were just saying, we'd better take off." He pointed at Caitlin. "I got some good stuff planned for you. You're gonna have fun."

"Ugh," Caitlin said. "Your idea of fun - "

"Is super-duper fun," he said firmly. "Hey, Iris, random question for no reason at all - Do you ever go up on the roof?"

"Hmmm?" she said, shutting the pastry case and turning off the light. It was exactly closing time. She'd already gotten the counters and tables, so she just had to lock the doors, put the till in the safe, and mop the floor, and she could go home. "Oh, it's closed this time of year. We don't open it until the temperatures warm up."

"Maybe you should. Tonight. Just, like, check it or something."

"I'd freeze my ass off."

"Yeah, but I bet the view is amazing. Especially with the snow."

"It'll be amazing in spring. I'm tired and I want to go home."

"Oh my god," Cisco burst out. "Would you just go up to your stupid roof? Barry's hanging out there waiting like some cut-rate Romeo."

Iris's hand went still. "Barry is?"

Caitlin tsked. "Cisco! That was supposed to be a surprise."

"It's still a surprise! Look at her, she's totally surprised." He bounced on his toes. "So? You goin'?"

"I - " she said weakly.

Caitlin stepped forward and took her wrists. "Iris," she said. "Look at me. You've been tying yourself in knots over Barry Allen ever since you met him. Now you know each other's secrets, everything you've been hiding from each other. What could possibly be stopping you now?"

"What if he hates me?" she said.

"He doesn't _hate you_ , oh my god," Cisco said.

Iris licked her lips. "What if this isn't everything that it feels like it could be? What if it was all unspoken because there was never really anything to speak about? What if it was all just the secrets and trying not to be attracted to each other, and - and with that gone - "

Caitlin kept her eyes steady on Iris. "Go upstairs and find out."

Iris pulled out of her light grasp, and Caitlin let her go. "I need to lock up."

"Ugggggghhhhhhhhh," Cisco groaned, but Caitlin shoved him out the door. "Think about it," she called over her shoulder.

Iris flipped the lock behind them and stood, feeling her heart beat in her throat. She went to the register, opened it up, and put the till in the safe.

She looked at the floor, which was grimy and cruddy from a day's worth of winter traffic. It badly needed mopping.

What the hell. She was opening up in the morning. She could come in early and mop it then.

She whirled and bolted for the stairs.

* * *

Watching her through the window, Cisco whooped and punched the air. "I've been listening to them agonize over each other for weeks now," he said. "Finally!"

"You're a good friend," Caitlin said as they cut across the empty road and into the park. The snow picked up a little, flakes dancing around them.

"I try."

"You listen to everybody," she said.

"It's my thing." He stopped and peered at her in the gloom. Snowflakes gleamed against the darkness of his hair. "What're you getting at?"

She shuffled her feet. "I'm guess I'm saying - if you ever want somebody to listen to you - "

He had a funny look on his face. She couldn't parse it. Finally, he said, "You mean you?"

"Well," she said, looking everywhere but at him. "I. Maybe. Yes. Me."

He was silent for a few minutes more, still with that strange look on his face, and then he grinned at her suddenly. "That's pretty sweet, but I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Let's not upset the dynamic here, all right?"

She eyed him. He kept grinning brightly back at her. She thought, _I bet you fool a lot of people into thinking you're okay with that face._ Her mask might not be the same, but she could recognize another mask when she saw it.

"C'mon," he said, cutting open a portal. It looked like it led to a broad, open wilderness they'd been using for a few days now. "Let's go. We've got practicing to get to - Snow Queen."

"No," she said firmly. He might have bamboozled her into practicing with her unwanted powers, but she absolutely drew the line at a ridiculous codename. Especially one as awful as Snow Queen. _Really._

He jumped into the portal, yelling, "Crystal Frost!" over his shoulder.

She jumped in after him, yelling, " _No!"_ back.

* * *

Cold air swirled around Iris as she opened the door to the rooftop patio. The Flash stood next to one of the metal patio tables, watching snow collect on the wrought iron curlicues. He didn't seem to notice her at first.

Heart in her throat, she said, "Hey."

He looked up. "Miss West," the Flash said.

She bit her lip.

He reached up and peeled off his cowl, the way he had last week, and there he was - Barry, with his hair all ruffled and his cheeks pink with cold.

"Iris," Barry said.

"How are you doing?"

He spread his hands in their red leather gloves, then let them fall back to his sides. "I don't know," he said.

She bit her lip and watched the falling snowflakes swirl in the steam of her breath.

"Iris," he said and she couldn't stop herself from looking up. "Iris, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how," she told him.

"But - we - "

"You of all people know something about secrets that feel like they're going to eat you alive."

He looked down at his red leather suit ruefully. "Yeah, well. But I thought you were with Eddie, and I felt - "

"What?"

He made that same curtailed motion with his hands again and looked away. "I saw your announcement," he blurted.

She deflated, but at the same time, it was a relief to back away. "On my blog?"

"Yeah. That's awesome. I'm really glad Linda came through."

"Linda?" She eyed him. "I met a Linda Park the other day at CCPN - that Linda?"

He went a little pinker than the cold could strictly account for. "Uh, yeah."

"She's in sports. What did she have to do with anything?"

"Awww," he muttered, and she wanted to laugh. For a superhero, he was awful at keeping secrets. "Uh, she - we used to date. Like, forever ago! Strictly buds now. I called her and asked her to show your blog to somebody in editorial."

"That was you? The anonymous tip?"

"Yeah - but that's it!" he said quickly. "Just a tip. The rest, getting that job, taking your blog to CCPN, that was all you and the work that you put in, and you should be proud."

"I am," she said. "I'm incredibly proud. And excited, and - " She swallowed. She couldn't say what it meant that he'd been part of that giant leap forward in her life. It didn't feel cheapened; it felt even more special. "Thank you."

"I knew you were something special the moment we met," he said.

"In the dark, while you were eating a sandwich and I was sneaking out? Or at Jitters when I was about to get shot in the head by a robber?"

He grinned, acknowledging the craziness of their relationship. "Both times." The smile fell away. "And then I found out you were with my cousin."

"But I wasn't - "

"I know, but I thought you were and I - God. I thought, _Isn't that my luck, to find someone and then find out she's with one of the people I love most in the world?_ "

Iris let the words wrap around her. She was his someone. And he - he was hers. She knew it. She'd known it. There had always been something pulling her toward the Flash, toward Barry, toward the man that held both inside his skin.

 _You know each other's secrets_ , Caitlin had said, but that wasn't really true. There were so many secrets about Barry Allen that she didn't know. His favorite color. How he liked his pancakes. What kind of father he would be. What he would look like when he grew old.

And she wanted to learn every last one of them.

She said clearly, "And I met you, and I thought, _Just my luck, to find someone, and he thinks I'm engaged to his cousin."_

His eyes widened.

She waited, as the snow fell around them, still light and feathery.

He swallowed. "Maybe - uh, maybe I can buy you a cup of coffee sometime."

Coffee, she thought. Coffee was a first-date kind of thing. A get-to-know-you kind of thing. Coffee was for figuring out if you wanted more than coffee with the person sitting across from you.

"I think we've had enough coffee together, don't you?"

His shoulders dropped.

"But," she said, and he looked up, "I'll go to dinner with you."

Dinner was the more that you decided whether you wanted, during coffee. Dinner could be more than just dinner, if you wanted. Everyone knew that.

"Yeah?" he said. "When?"

She took a step, so she was close enough to smell his bright clean ozone smell, close enough to see the snowflakes melt in the warmth that rolled off his skin, close enough that she could kiss him.

She looked up into his face - he was _so_ tall. She was going to have to stock up on high heels. "What about now?"

FINIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're finally done! This took so much longer than I thought it would, but thank you to everyone who came along for the ride.


End file.
